Auntyji - Love Matters
Love Matters

Is it OK to marry my cousin?

By Auntyji Tuesday, December 9, 2014 - 19:12
I am in love with my cousin, and he too loves me. We want to marry – is that OK? What about kids, will it affect them too? Please guide us Auntyji. Ginny (23) Raipur

Auntyji says... I don’t know beta Ginny, I really don’t know whether it is OK for you to marry your cousin...but I am ready to go through this journey of understanding this with you, so let’s take a stroll.

So to begin with, we all know that in certain cultures and religions it is considered absolutely OK. It is pretty much the ‘done thing’ in fact – male cousins almost have a right over female cousins in one sense, and there it is. Chalo jee. On the other hand, it is considered just terrible, cousins are seen as real brothers and sisters and even thinking about something like this is terribly looked down upon – “Who marries their brother or sister ?” is the outraged argument.

You think it’s love?

Ginny, let’s put society, religion and all the other institutions on hold for a moment and let’s talk about you and the cousin. Look beta, sometimes what happens is this. We get very close to and fond of the one or few men who are actually just around us during our growing up years. We share everything with them and hang out all the time and soon the lines between being a relative and just a man or a woman begin to blur. Before you know it, you feel you are inseparable, in love even.

Too close for comfort?

Now comes the question, how close is close? Is it between just first cousins, where you even look alike, in which case it may well be too close for comfort and thus very difficult to either explain or even understand? You know, say your sister ties Rakhi to your aunt’s son A and you are in love with same aunt's son B... so that's a bit... hain ki nahin?

Then comes one erstwhile Jonny who you have not seen in years and ages and he is twice or thrice removed, just the “rishtey mein toh hum ...” type of a relationship, then I guess it may be more acceptable. But again, who knows? We have heard of young people getting brutally killed because they were ‘brother and sister’ by virtue of being of the same village, have we not?

Law and children

The age old reason for keeping marriages within families was to keep familial values and morals intact, and to keep property within the family. Later this changed and cousin marriage became seen as incest in some cultures. It is banned in some countries, including China and parts of the US. For us in South Asia, it is still fairly common and does happen. In India the law is complicated – it depends on religion and region. For Muslims cousin marriage is legal. For Hindus, is not valid under the Hindu Marriage Act, but there are exceptions based on regional tradition.

About kids. Yes, having a child with your cousin increases the chances of birth defects. Is it a big increase? Well, you can compare it to the increased risk of having a baby when you’re over 40 compared to when you’re 30, say some researchers. Now, that is a chance you may or may not want to take.

Jury is out

So beta Ginny, as you can see the jury is out on this one. If you have precedence in the family, it may be easier for you. But if this is a first and you do not come from any of those communities where this is acceptable then you are in for a very bumpy ride, not just now but for the rest of your life perhaps.

Ginny, maybe you need to check this out – is it love or just the natural process of inclusion? He was always there in your early adulthood and you guys came close and before you know it, it seemed like love. And now you feel marriage is the only way forward when actually it is just the comfort of being with someone you have known since childhood, rather than a thought-out choice... Possible or not? Just give it some thought.

Here are the questions you need to ask before you make a decision:

Is it true love? Is it legally possible for you to get married? Can you accept the risk of increased birth defects? Do you have the support of your family and community, or will you face a terrible struggle?

If you decide to go ahead and marry, then I wish you a long and happy life together. If you decide against it, I hope you get over your heartache and find true love with someone else.

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

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Comments
Mam i realy need your suggestions.. Me and my patner(cousin) fall in love.. We are in a relationship from 5 years.. Our love is true. And we even can't think to move on..!! We are connected with our soul.. And now we are in a delima that what should we do now..? Plz help..
मै एक लड़की से प्यार करता हू पर कुछ परेशानियो के कारण मैने अपना गूस्सा उस पर निकाल दीया गूस्से मे मैने उसके कैरेक्टर को लेकर बुरा भला बोल दीया । मै उसे अभी भी बहूत प्यार करता हू। मेरी मदद किजीए मे उसे कैसे मनाऊ अौर हमारे बीच सब कुछ पहले कि तरह ठीक हो जाए । mere liye uske pass aaj bhi feelings h.....plzz help me....
Dekho Ankit bete! Galti toh apne ki hai. Aap apne guse ke karan kisi ko is tarah hurt nahi kar sakte aur na hi kisi ke bhi character ko lekar koi unfair comment kar sakte hain, samjhe bete! Isliye unse miliye ya kisi tarah apni apologies un tak pohchiye. Bohot politely apni baat un ke samne rakhiye! Saath hi bete unhe bhi kuch samay dijiye, bus apki taraf se un par koi emotionally pressure dene se bachiye. All the best.
Hmmm. Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag reetee rivaaz hai na. SO jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin.Leejiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. http://lovematters.in/hi/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin
aunty ji pls pls help me and give me suggestion me ek ldki se bhut pyar krta hu or vo bhi but vo meri nani ke bhai ki ldki ki ldki h hme kuch smjh nhi aa rha kya kre.
Hmmm. Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag riti rivaaz hai na. Toh jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin. Beta. Suno. Koi kisi se shaadi na kar pane ki vajeh se marr gaya ho yeh itna common nahin. Rishtedaari mein shaadi bahut kathin hai beta. Uske liye bahut tayyar karni hoti hai. bahut sehna hota hai. Kya is sab ke liye aap tayyar ho beta? Its not easy!! Aur what about your gf/cousin sister… kya who yeh sab see lengee? Lijiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
We can't decide right and wrong for you. Having a feeling of love for your cousin is not uncommon, it does happen. But is it permissible is the point, is it not. My dear, this only you can answer. How will it be understood in your family, how will they accepted your relationship? and it is complicated this too you will accept, Is it not. Ok read this and clear up your head a bit https://lovematters.in/en/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Hmmm. Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag riti rivaaz hai na. Toh jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin. Beta. Suno. Koi kisi se shaadi na kar pane ki vajeh se marr gaya ho yeh itna common nahin. Rishtedaari mein shaadi bahut kathin hai beta. Uske liye bahut tayyar karni hoti hai. bahut sehna hota hai. Kya is sab ke liye aap tayyar ho beta? Its not easy!! Aur what about your gf/cousin sister… kya who yeh sab see lengee? Lijiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Hmmm. Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag riti rivaaz hai na. Toh jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin. Beta. Suno. Koi kisi se shaadi na kar pane ki vajeh se marr gaya ho yeh itna common nahin. Rishtedaari mein shaadi bahut kathin hai beta. Uske liye bahut tayyar karni hoti hai. bahut sehna hota hai. Kya is sab ke liye aap tayyar ho beta? Its not easy!! Aur what about your gf/cousin sister… kya who yeh sab see lengee? Lijiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Hmmm. Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag riti rivaaz hai na. Toh jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin. Beta. Suno. Koi kisi se shaadi na kar pane ki vajeh se marr gaya ho yeh itna common nahin. Rishtedaari mein shaadi bahut kathin hai beta. Uske liye bahut tayyar karni hoti hai. bahut sehna hota hai. Kya is sab ke liye aap tayyar ho beta? Its not easy!! Aur what about your gf/cousin sister… kya who yeh sab see lengee? Lijiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Hmmm. Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag riti rivaaz hai na. Toh jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin. Beta. Suno. Koi kisi se shaadi na kar pane ki vajeh se marr gaya ho yeh itna common nahin. Rishtedaari mein shaadi bahut kathin hai beta. Uske liye bahut tayyar karni hoti hai. bahut sehna hota hai. Kya is sab ke liye aap tayyar ho beta? Its not easy!! Aur what about your gf/cousin sister… kya who yeh sab see lengee? Lijiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Sachin bete ab kya sthiti hai? Family relation mein shaadi karna kai pranton mein swikarya hai aur kai pranto mein nahi hai. Isliye isme samasya ho sakti hai. Isliye is bare mein apne pariwar walon se baat kijiye, pata lagayen unka kya kahna hai. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Nirmal bete ab kya sthiti hai? Family relation mein shaadi karna kai pranton mein swikarya hai aur kai pranto mein nahi hai. Isliye isme samasya ho sakti hai. Isliye is bare mein apne pariwar walon se baat kijiye, pata lagayen unka kya kahna hai. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Anil bete Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag reetee rivaaz hai na. SO jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin. Beta, Suniye Rishtedaari mein shaadi bahut kathin hai. Uske liye bahut tayyar karnee hoti hai. bahut sehna hota hai. Kya is sab ke liye aap tayyar ho beta? Its not easy!! Aur what about your gf / cousin sister… kya who yeh sab see lengee? Leejiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. https://lovematters.in/hi/news/it-ok-marry-my-cousin https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/should-i-have-sex-with-my-cousin Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Bete! Family relation mein shaadi karna kai pranton mein swikarya hai aur kai pranto mein nahi hai. Isliye isme samasya ho sakti hai. Isliye is bare mein apne pariwar walon se baat kijiye, pata lagayen unka kya kahna hai. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Anil bete baat karne ki suvidha toh upalabadh nahi hai lekin aap humare DB par apna sawal pooch sakte hain. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Madam m apni bhua ki ldki ss pyar krta hu...ye sb sex k liye kiya usne bhi but ab hum dono pyar krne lg gye h rah Nhi pate ek dusre k bina plzz help
Hmmm. Sabse pahle toh please zara sahi language ka istemaal kijiye, abhi humne theek kar diya hai. Hindu dharm mein bhi bahut se alag reetee rivaaz hai na. SO jab ki north india mein ye dharm aur sanskriti ke khilaaf maana jaata hai, kuch pranton mein nahin. Beta. Suno. Koi kisi se shaadi na kar pane ki vajeh se marr gaya ho yeh itna common nahin. Rishtedaari mein shaadi bahut kathin hai. Uske liye bahut tayyar karnee hoti hai. bahut sehna hota hai. Kya is sab ke liye aap tayyar ho beta? Its not easy!! Aur what about your gf / cousin sister… kya who yeh sab see lengee? Leejiye yeh padh leejiye, shshayd koi madad mile. https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/should-i-have-sex-with-my-cousin Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discusion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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