Disable girl marriage
Love Matters India

Should I marry a girl with disability?

By Auntyji Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 11:01
Hi Auntyji, a proposal has come for my marriage with a girl in my neighborhood. I like her but she walks with crutches. I am not sure if I should go ahead. Please help. Rajesh 24, Jaipur.

Auntyji says, ‘beta ji there are two aspects in what you are saying. Puttar ji... which is the ‘right’ one – let’s see’.

Truth be told

Asal mein, I want to say to you that if you are not sure – then, don’t do it! Yes. This is not a 50 – 50 situation, no kabhi haan kabhi na – no no! Don’t have the strength, the courage – then, don’t go down this track because this needs a lot of courage. You have to ask yourself beta, do you have it in you?

What you see is what you get

The world sees her disability but what they can’t see is that she may well be a very smart, aware, qualified, well read, loving and caring person – even more than you. Then? They are well within their right to think – is this boy good enough for our girl?

Now you have to prove – are you? Are you good enough for her? So you match up or is she heads and shoulders ahead of you? If yes, then again, I’ll say as anyone would – do you match up?

Are you both equal or close to it? Beta you may think, aaj Auntyji is asking more and telling less. Sometimes to get the answers we need to be questioned, we need to be knocked on our head and heart and if we are honest to ourselves, only then does everything becomes somewhat clear and saaf saaf.  

Ek tarf se you are saying you like her but then you see her disability – the question is beta Rajesh, what do you see more – her or her disability?

Tough decisions

I agree, beta, it’s not easy at all. It’s very tough to be equal to a person who has a disability, has a crutch – you will have to learn how to handle all that. The stigma that is heaped on people with disability is huge. You will have to attend to it all your life.  

It’s going to be hard – true. But can you do it without making her feel as if you are doing ‘too much’?  Will you be able to deal with her as a regular, everyday person?

You are doing her no favours Rajesh, keep that in mind. I always say to people who ask me this question, that lest say by some odd chance, if this disability were to have happened after marriage and it was you-you lost a leg or arm, what would you expect your partner to do with you?

Regularly special

There are so many cases where people with disability have married and lived with people without a disability. Had a wonderful life, have great sex, kids... all regular stuff!  And unfortunately, there are enough the opposite examples too. The only issue is that not very many ‘regular’ people are able to do this for the long run. The question now is are you ‘regular’ or are you that special man, special person!

You think and then only take the next step. And if not, then that’s fine too. Then beta Rajesh, step back right now – don’t build up a dream in her heart and let her down. Let her wait for her special person alone – even if needed. You sort yourself out first.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

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