Disable girl marriage
Love Matters India

Should I marry a girl with disability?

By Auntyji Thursday, December 6, 2018 - 11:01
Hi Auntyji, a proposal has come for my marriage with a girl in my neighborhood. I like her but she walks with crutches. I am not sure if I should go ahead. Please help. Rajesh 24, Jaipur.

Auntyji says, ‘beta ji there are two aspects in what you are saying. Puttar ji... which is the ‘right’ one – let’s see’.

Truth be told

Asal mein, I want to say to you that if you are not sure – then, don’t do it! Yes. This is not a 50 – 50 situation, no kabhi haan kabhi na – no no! Don’t have the strength, the courage – then, don’t go down this track because this needs a lot of courage. You have to ask yourself beta, do you have it in you?

What you see is what you get

The world sees her disability but what they can’t see is that she may well be a very smart, aware, qualified, well read, loving and caring person – even more than you. Then? They are well within their right to think – is this boy good enough for our girl?

Now you have to prove – are you? Are you good enough for her? So you match up or is she heads and shoulders ahead of you? If yes, then again, I’ll say as anyone would – do you match up?

Are you both equal or close to it? Beta you may think, aaj Auntyji is asking more and telling less. Sometimes to get the answers we need to be questioned, we need to be knocked on our head and heart and if we are honest to ourselves, only then does everything becomes somewhat clear and saaf saaf.  

Ek tarf se you are saying you like her but then you see her disability – the question is beta Rajesh, what do you see more – her or her disability?

Tough decisions

I agree, beta, it’s not easy at all. It’s very tough to be equal to a person who has a disability, has a crutch – you will have to learn how to handle all that. The stigma that is heaped on people with disability is huge. You will have to attend to it all your life.  

It’s going to be hard – true. But can you do it without making her feel as if you are doing ‘too much’?  Will you be able to deal with her as a regular, everyday person?

You are doing her no favours Rajesh, keep that in mind. I always say to people who ask me this question, that lest say by some odd chance, if this disability were to have happened after marriage and it was you-you lost a leg or arm, what would you expect your partner to do with you?

Regularly special

There are so many cases where people with disability have married and lived with people without a disability. Had a wonderful life, have great sex, kids... all regular stuff!  And unfortunately, there are enough the opposite examples too. The only issue is that not very many ‘regular’ people are able to do this for the long run. The question now is are you ‘regular’ or are you that special man, special person!

You think and then only take the next step. And if not, then that’s fine too. Then beta Rajesh, step back right now – don’t build up a dream in her heart and let her down. Let her wait for her special person alone – even if needed. You sort yourself out first.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

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Bete bahut bura laga sunkar, lekin Jab ek rishta ek makaam taka a ke ruk jaata hai, toh use phir shuru karna ya us per hee tike rehana shayed itnee samjhdaari nahin. Aage badhiye, naye kadam uthaiye, naye aur purane dost dhoondhiye, films, music, koi hobbies. Jaise ki unhone keeya hai. Apni zindigi jeene mein utar jaiye. All the best. https://lovematters.in/en/news/shes-avoiding-me-now-what https://lovematters.in/hi/love-and-relationships/breaking-up/how-to-get-over-a-break-up-a-proven-technique https://lovematters.in/en/love-and-relationships/she-never-said-no-but-she-meant-so Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
So as you know there is no Formula for this!! You may want to make an impression by first being very smart, clean, hygienic, well dressed, ( not expensive, but neat and smart) and Most Importantly, a nice, sweet , interesting person, who respects women. Try and find out what the girl likes, ask her about herself.. Show interest in her life and dreams, share yours.. NEVER be a ""stalker""...chasing her everywhere, FB / wassap/ e-mail/ phone - terrible habits!! So Make Friends First and everything else, Later. Ok? Also read these links: https://lovematters.in/en/resource/love-and-relationships https://lovematters.in/news/how-do-i-get-girlfriend If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Samiksha guptaa
Thu, 02/17/2022 - 13:19
Ek ladka hain wo marathi hain wo mujhe pyar karta hain, or uske hath hilne ki bimari hain jo genetic hain or main ek ladki hu mere leg main polio hain but main bina sahare ke chal sakti hu, jo ladka hain wo garib hain or mujhse pyar bahut karta hain magar uska jo hath hilne ka bimari hain wo genetic hain to kya hum dono ko shadi karni chahiye yah nahi, maam humara future sahi hoga shadi karne se, wo ladka mere sport se future jiega but hume nahi pata ki mera leg ka problem age ke sath badha to main koi kaam kar bhi paungi ki nahi, abhi main B. Ed kar rahi. Reply maam as soon as possible.
Bete bahut hi achchha laga, badhiya!! Jahan tak shadi ki baat hai toh aap dono apni family se iske baare khulkar baat kijiye aur dekhiye unka kya kahna hai iske baare mein, ok!! Aur aapke leg ke problem ke baare mein ek panjikrit doctor ya specialist se mil lijiye, ukni salah le lijiye aur use follow kijiye. Saath mein aapko ek baat aur, ki aap B.Ed. kar rahi hain, job bhi achchi lag jaayegee - so future bhi achchha hi hoga. Bas yeh yaad rakhiye ki aap dono pyaar karte hain to zindigi bhar wohi respect aur aadar ek dusre ke liye hona chahiye. Beta you know - ki is duniya mein kisi ko bhi kuch bhi "normal se alag " ho - bhale hee baat rang ki ho, height ki ho, to bhi log aasani se accept nahi kartey hain, bahut kami nikaaltey hain. LEKIN beta bahut se log hai jo ki in sab baaton se uth kar rishta banate hain, jaise ki aap dono ne nirnay liya hai. Auntyji ki taraf se aap dono ko dher sara pyar aur BEST OF LUCK!! https://lovematters.in/en/marriage/should-i-marry-a-girl-with-disability Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Aunty ji Mujhe ek aise insan se pyar h jo meri puri trh se khyal rkhta h mujhe bahut jada pyaar krta h, meri chhoti chhoti khwais puri krta h, hm dono sadi krna chahte h, lekin vo handicap hai, isi wjh se meri family accept nhi kregi unko, mai kya kru
Kriti bete, iske baare mein aap dono apni family walon se khul kar baat kijiye, sabse pahle pata lagaeeye unka kya kahna hai, is shadi ke bare mein. Beta bahut se log hai jo ki in sab baaton se uth kar rishta banate hain, jaise ki aapne nirnay liya hai. Lekin hum hamesha yeh salah dete hain ki koi bhi kadam uthane se pehle - jis mein caste, dharam, age, parents ka virodh jaisee stithi saamne aa rahee ho- apni family aur apne lawyer / vakeel/ local police thaane, aas-paas koi NGO se apne haq aur adhikaron ke baare mein poori jaankari lein. All the best! OK!! https://lovematters.in/hi/marriage/thinking-about-marriage/love-marriages Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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