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I just finished school and my parents are forcing me to get married. Help!

By Auntyji Thursday, May 10, 2018 - 11:46
I just finished my school (class 12). My parents are forcing to get married. What do I do? Sadhna, 18, Phulwari.

Auntyji says, ‘Arre nahin nahin beta – this is not the way. We have to talk to Mummy Papa.’

Of which era?

Beta Sadhna – yeh jo mummy papa hain, are they from this century or not? They are na? Just like you are my dear.  Beta, actually it’s not exactly their fault either. They are doing what samaj and society have dictated – not very modern – but chalo.

BUT, your time has come Sadhna. There is no way can you be the quiet, darpok girl. You have to take matters into your own hands. Let's see how.

By the horns

Sabse pehle – no rona dhona, no bechari. No chun chun. Ek dum ready, bold and strong. Ek dum, in top form. Ek dum ready with proper arguments – discussion points. Make a list of all point you think about ‘Why I am not ready to get married immediately.’

Make a plan for yourself. Shaadi nahin then what? What’s your personal plan – make one and prepare. Like – do you want to study further? Do you want to do a beautician/tailoring/cooking/design course? Do you want to be a teacher/banker/sarkaari babu? Think like you are going to be in the biggest play production of your life. You are the heroine and the whole school has come to watch this play. Now you have to speak and win over the audience. How will you do it? Ready, Practice, Prepare!

On your Team

Co-opt. Find a chachi, masi, maama- maami , tayitayabhai bhabhi, and mainly – your cousins. Because if it’s you today, it will be them tomorrow. do they want to take that risk? Make your Team XI.

Anyone you can win over on your side. Tell them what is going on and why you are so upset. Again, no rona dhona type. Share your plan and what you need them for. They may say no, they may try and convince you – but stick to your point. Say No. Ask them bluntly, ‘Are you with me or not?’ Let them look you in the face and say, No! It’s not so easy for everyone to do that.

On your marks ... get set...

The main thing is to be very well prepared and ready for any sort of arguments. Sunn, emotional outburst do not win arguments beta Sadhna, clear logic and planning does. This is entirely your right – what you want to do with your life. You are an adult now. You must be allowed to make decisions about your life and future – as long as it does not harm you in any way.

See Sadhna, of the various ‘dialogues’ you script and rehearse – here is one which will be the ‘showstopper’. Emphatically say – in Hindi or Maithili even (if that’s yours spoken language), ‘He will expect me to have sex. I am just 18. I am not ready – woh force karegaaapko achccha lagega – BOLO?’

That ought to seal the deal – what do you say? Be cool Beta. It's your body, it’s your life. You have the right to decide. We are on your side, the law is on your side... and hopefully so will your parents be.

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models.

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