depression and break up
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I don’t want to live anymore after my break-up, help!

By Auntyji Friday, January 17, 2020 - 17:13
Hi Aunty ji, My girlfriend broke up with me. I don’t want to live anymore. What should I do? Karan, 22, Delhi.

Auntyji says, ‘Beta Karan, sunn puttar, let’s not rush into anything, ek gull taa sunn puttar!’ 

Never a good reason

Is there ever a good enough reason to end your life yourself. Na puttar!

You are just 22 –  life dekhi kya hai that you want to end it?  Karan puttar, do you know that worldwide – emotional stress, heartbreak and rejection are of the top reasons people even consider this as an option -  so say stats about suicide. 

Disappointment in love and breakups often make us feel – 'it is the end of the world for me! But we also know, it is not! Just take a deep breath.I can understand beta, that while you must be really hurting and very upset, remember, you are  not alone

Safe and secure

When we are in a relationship – we feel secure and happy – and that assures us a comfort, a cocoon of love and joy. Then that breaks and takes everything away – love, the comfort, the safety. We get thrown into a storm of emotions – jiske baare mein, you are the least prepared. 

You may feel that you can’t cope. This is how depression, confusion and rejection make us feel. ‘I can't face another day without my partner, I better just finish my pain by finishing myself.’ Not a good idea at all! 

Shelf life 

Do you know the term shelf life – like expiry date? Beta, harsh as it may sound, but the best relationships in the world come with one. Early in the relationship, its all very intense, but not all of them sustain – in fact most don’t. You are constantly changing, as is your gf/ bf. New influences come into our life, new people, new interests and we adapt and mould ourselves. We all are forever changing, forever evolving.

Ab us beech – she or any partner may change enough to want to opt out of the relationship – because it’s not giving them what they are looking for anymore. This could have have been you too, Karan. Suppose you had fallen out of love and wanted to move to Africa to serve in a camp, would you expect her to say, ‘I'll end my life if you do it.’ - Not quite so, yes? 

Controlling, not caring

Beta, attempting or contemplating suicide, or threatening to do it, is also a blackmail tool – its a method of control not care. ‘If you break up, Ill kill myself’. Is that fair beta? No its not. Do you want them to be terrified of you – or feel free and comfy with you? Is this not a sign of complete blackmail

She has left. Bad news, no doubt! But we want people to love us, be with us for who and what we are – not out of any fear or obligation – hain na beta? People ought to stay with us, pyaar ke marey, not darr ke marey!

A beautiful life awaits!

So come on now. Brace up beta! Go away for a few days, meet up with family and friends, tell people about your ex- love – but not too much either –  that can be really boring. 

Go follow some forgotten hobbies, join a class, look up ole pals you have missed for so long. Life is beautiful, full of surprises and shocks. Beta Karan, that’s a part of growing up. Embrace it beta. Chalo now, off you go! Listen to my favorite breakup song – 'Heer te badi sad hai ji..'.

In fact go watch the movie or call a pal over. Cry when the song comes, admire the gorgeous actors and locales, open a packet of chips or popcorn and brew a cup of adrakh chai... No quitting allowed. Ok beta?

*To protect the identity, names have been changed.

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