bald man
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Her reaction when she found out I am bald

I have always been slightly touchy about my hair – or rather the lack of it. As a young teenager, when kids would call me names, I generally found it amusing.

*Swaroop (name changed) is an investment banker and shared his story with our writer. 

I mean, I didn’t have to comb my hair or spend hours washing or wiping it in winters. I didn’t enjoy being the odd guy out but learning kept me busy.

My mother, a strict disciplinarian, always emphasized that looks didn’t matter but having some education did. I could have rebelled but somehow I always thought of ‘girlfriend and boyfriend’ being restricted to films or the rich people circuit. After all, ordinary people like me and my family needed to follow the routine of eat-study/work-sleep.

Wanted to have a gf

I was lucky to have been in a boys' school and then in one of the best academic institutions in India where the percentage of girls is almost negligible. I often thought that I was better off to have been born a boy with a receding hairline than a woman in this situation, especially in my country, but I tried to introspect as little as I could (at least on this topic).

Little did I realize that my days with this thought process and its resultant bliss were limited. In my third year, I became a part of the social media circuits. I wanted to be attractive. I wanted to find myself some nice friends who were girls because I wanted to choose my own life partner, especially as my school friends were putting up super cool images of their happy-selves with pretty ladies.

'Meetings don't matter'

I started conversing with people (to be more specific, girls) on Orkut, Yahoo messenger, chatrooms – everywhere. Whenever I was asked for photographs I would use a standard set where somehow my eyes would be highlighted, head ignored or I would put up some of my paintings.

It was on one such occasion that I met this girl. We were in different cities. We chatted a lot, had some fun and after some time she even professed her love for me. I was on cloud nine.

I remember asking her, 'How can you know that you like me when we haven’t even met?' and she had responded, 'Meetings don’t matter. We have been good friends for over ten months now. I do depend on sharing my thoughts with you and we can always meet once I finish my course'.

Cold feet

It was after this conversation that she was about to visit my city and proposed that we should meet. This was the first time that I was to meet a girl (socially, i.e. in the like-like way), and also one who said that she liked me. I was preparing myself that morning when a school friend called and started teasing me as well as in a joke of sorts asked me, 'Has she ever seen you, takle?' 

I got cold feet and somehow all the thoughts that I had ignored till that day came back to haunt me. I thought I was an educated spiritual being for whom physical selves didn’t matter but I was nervous now. It wasn’t about me but about someone else accepting me. I did not go to meet her.

Drastic step

To say that hell broke loose is to put it mildly. The girl I liked took offence and thought that the reason why I hadn’t gone to meet her was that I didn’t feel anything for her. I couldn’t explain my reasons without bringing to light all my insecurities.

When the school friend whose teasing question had begun this sequence of events realised what had happened, he felt guilty and started counselling me. He made me realize how wrong I was to have not met someone who had professed her love for me. She had professed this love for the real me and not a physical body. Something in his words and the fact that I really liked this girl pushed me into doing something drastic.

Finally meeting

I bought my first air-flight ticket and visited this girl’s town. It was to be a surprise where I organized this meeting with the help of her sister.

I was waiting, the clock was moving at a speed which seemed slower than usual and then she stepped into the restaurant. She reached for her phone, all the while searching for me (I guess, or her image of me) and then when she realized that it was this bald guy's phone that was ringing, her reaction was unnerving.

'I like you but..'

She seemed shocked. She tried to smile but didn’t meet my eyes. She came to my table, we must have had something but I knew something was wrong and then she said it, 'You aren’t what I expected you to be. I liked you, but as a friend…'

I could see what she was trying to tell me and even though I did not want her pity I wasn’t sure how was I supposed to react. I am still not over that incident and haven’t met any girls out of the official surroundings because intellectually I know baldness shouldn’t count but emotionally I still feel rejected because I was bald.

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. 

This article was first publised on 25th January, 2013.

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In the Indo-Pak region being Bald or having a Skin head style in your teens or in your twenties is such an issue not with the girls but with the oldschool generation as well. I started to bald at the age of 18 and by 23 I shaved my head. My inspiration to be bald; Zidane, Robben, Jason Statham, Fred Dust etc. Outcome: My Boss fired me, my love left me, Ppl start calling me names but that made me stronger; I started living for myself and was not concern what others have to say. Today, four years on, I am happy as I spend on myself what ever I earn and do what I feel. You will come across a woman in your life who will accept who you are; that one was shallow!
baldness truly sucks dude. girls dont like baldies. especially in this region. nowadays because of the movies and shit girls would rather choose a fat ugly dude with hair over a bald guy. if youre good looking but bald you might have a small chance with ugly or fat girls. but if ur ugly and bald ur done for with girls.
Yes, its true and the worst part is you don't get prostitutes as well. I mean out of fear of STD's no who is ugly and bald would go to such extent. The only way is the arrange marriage and that also looks gloomy.The best thing we men who are bald and ugly can do is to invest in ourselves like reading books becoming knowledgeable , attaining fitness goals , dressing up to the mark ( in office or in parties as well) , having higher levels of hygiene. May be deep meditation would make me accept myself and bring out the lost confidence in me.But the above things will certainly help us in living a decent life. Understand not every man gets the girl he wants , its just a matter of luck, some get lucky and some become MGTOW ( even after getting girls).Well concentrate on yourself and only yourself , don't worry about what people have to say because you can never shut their mouth. Moral of the story - Being bald and ugly is not your fault, its just the genetics and so if you happen to be bald and ugly than you should surely run ( like life depends on it) after name, fame and money instead of girls.
I'm an intermediate writer, but I am certainly not at your level. I think your content is compelling and interesting with many well made points.
I felt the same since I have start losing my hair from front. This make me annoying and most of my female friends ignore me while meeting in bar or any other occasion. Soemtimes I tried to keep myself locked in a room thinking only that why I dont have hair. My confidence level is at 0%. I dont know why peoles make fun of bald guys rather accepting their looks.
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