Female orgasm: Four women share their stories!
Shutterstock/Oleg Elkov

Female orgasm: Four women share their stories!

Love Matters India spoke to a spectrum of women to understand what helps them get to the big-O. So, if you’re tired of asking ‘Did you cum?’, and then wondering, ‘Did she really or is she faking it?’, pay attention to what they had to say:

Vibrator, the bankable 

Tia Basu, a 36-year-old writer and editor, says she turns to her vibrator the most for bringing her to orgasm because it never disappoints. 

How do you orgasm? 

Oral sex and my vibrators definitely bring me to orgasm more than penetrative sex. In fact, as much as I like penetrative sex for the sheer intimacy of having someone that close to me, it’s rare I achieve an orgasm off of it. I’m a huge fan of getting head when it’s done right, but I still like my vibrator best for orgasms, and sex with a partner best for the intimacy.

Does it take long to achieve an orgasm? 

It takes me a while, usually. With a sex toy, I’m in control and I know exactly where and when to touch, and how fast or slow to go. With a partner, more guidance is often needed, but I definitely need lots of foreplay before I get there.

How long does it last? 

There are times it goes on for a good five minutes or longer; other times, it’s a minute or two. I think it depends on how long it’s been and how good the foreplay was!

How’d you describe the feeling?

I’m a die-hard romance novel lover so a lot of my earlier orgasm feels came from the language used in those books. ‘A burst of stars’ etc. etc. There was also a strange sense of achievement, as though I’d gotten somewhere everyone always said I should.

I think the feeling is different as you get older, though. At present, it’s a tremendous sense of release and then a softness as my limbs curl back into me. I like to think of it as my body and senses unfolding completely and then returning to themselves, satiated, tired and happy.

Clitoral stimulation leads to mini explosions 

Urmi Chanda, 38, a communications professional and doctoral student, also says clitoral stimulation leads to better orgasms than penetrative sex: 

How do you orgasm? 

There isn't one set format but the most effective way for me is clitoral stimulation. Simultaneous nipple play makes it faster.

Does it take long to achieve an orgasm?

Sometimes it's quick, sometimes, it takes longer, and sometimes, it doesn't happen at all (and then I have to fake it).

How long does it last?

A few seconds, really. 10 seconds on an average, I'd say. But there is rarely time to focus on mine because the guy is lined up next! 

How’d you describe the feeling?

It’s like a mini-explosion in the head, in a good way. Lots of fired-up neurons or lots of blood rushing about if I had to describe this physiologically.

Waves of pleasure 

*Niksha, a 45-year-old college professor based out of Delhi, masturbation and foreplay are her trusted routes to orgasm. 

How do you orgasm?

When I’m by myself, of course, masturbation, and with a partner, foreplay with lots and lots of hand and oral clitoral stimulation are what bring me to orgasm. In over two decades of being sexually active, I can count the number of times I’ve truly orgasmed through penetrative sex. 

Does it take long to achieve an orgasm?

Not through clitoral stimulation, but definitely in case of penetrative sex. If at all it happens, it’s when I’m in control of the movements and the intercourse lasts a long time (I’m talking 15-20 minutes of non-stop action). 

How long does it last? 

The real rush lasts for maybe half a minute or so but the lingering sense of satisfaction and pleasure – an aftertaste, if you will – stays for a while. In fact, I feel more turned on after I orgasm. 

How’d you describe the feeling?

It begins as small waves of pleasure making ripples across my limbs, making my entire body go soft, and the waves just keep getting more and more intense until they turn into a giant tide that just sweeps me away. 

The Magical fingers 

*Shanaya Malik, a 20-year-old college student, also leans in favour of clitoral stimulation but prefers a hand job to oral sex. 

How do you orgasm?

Penetration rarely makes me orgasm. In fact, I can only orgasm during penetration when I’m on top. Oral sex can do the job much better but fingering is probably my best bet. 

Does it take long to achieve an orgasm?

It doesn’t take too long at all. It doesn’t happen too soon either, which is great and lets me enjoy the whole process but there have been times I got there before my partner. Of course, there are other factors like having a good level of comfort, openness or ease that helps. 

How long does it last?

It doesn’t last for more than 15-20 seconds, I feel. In most cases, it’s around 10-12 seconds. I think even the duration of it depends on how comfortable I am with my sexual partner. 

How’d you describe the feeling?

It’s like a rush that you want to put an end to but also keep going at the same time.

It’s a mixed bag

*Alexx, a 28-year-old research student, who is also a neuro-divergent genderqueer demi-sexual, says that all forms of sexual contact can bring her to orgasm, and the experience is governed by the setting.  

How do you orgasm?

Oral sex, hand job, penetrative sex, all of them work for me, sex toys are just better at it.

Is it quick or takes a long time?

It takes a long time when it’s oral or penetrative. With toys, it’s pretty quick.

Does it take long to achieve an orgasm?

Orgasms last longer when a person is involved, even though it takes some time to get there. With a sex toy, it fades as fast as it hits.

How’d you describe the feeling?

When with a sex toy, it’s more like relief. I can feel my muscles relaxing. Feels similar to chilling after a long hike. With a person, there is a level of shyness and euphoria. Both are followed by feelings of satisfaction and drowsiness. But, with a sex toy, the feeling of satisfaction doesn’t last as long. I still sleep great though.

While different women get to the pinnacle of pleasure differently, the route is the same – and it’s through their clitoris, not the vagina. So, be more giving in bed, you guys, and watch your sex life blossom. 

*Some names have been changed to protect identities. 

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