Flirting: do's and don'ts

Do…

• Be casual and friendlyApproach someone you fancy in a casual manner. Strike up a conversation about something they can definitely contribute to. Asking them, “How is your day going?” or “How do you like this place?” Something as easy as that is likely to get them to open up to you.Remember to be confident but friendly in your approach – no one’s going to be interested in you if you come across being unfriendly, no matter how much confidence you ooze!

• Maintain eye contactLooking into someone’s eyes is the best way to catch their attention and let them know that you’re interested in them. When you look at them, just hold your gaze for a few seconds and look away while maintaining a smile. Also, when you speak to them, maintain eye contact. However, make sure you don’t stare at them awkwardly, no matter how ravishing they look!

• Give complimentsBe early to give them compliments. Think about what attracted you to them and find the right words to express yourself. Be direct but at the same time tread cautiously. Telling someone, “You’d make an amazing partner in bed,” the first time you meet them isn’t likely to get you anywhere! Instead focus on their appearance and their traits – like, “You have a gorgeous smile. I’m being honest.”

• Pay attention to body languageYou can say a lot without saying anything at all. That’s right, non-verbal cues can be critical while flirting. You need to maintain an open body stance, but at the same time make sure you’re not coming across as being too aggressive in your intentions. It’s good to brush your hands past them or tap their hand or walk very close to them once in a while, but don’t go overboard with the touchy-feely behaviour. Some people might get threatened and back off.Also try and read the other person’s body language. Do they seem secure being with you or do they radiate some kind of tension? Make your next moves depending on their reactions.

• Be bold and ask them outIf you think you’re getting all the right cues from them, then go ahead and ask them out on a date. It doesn’t have to sound all that formal. Just leave them your number, if you’re too shy to ask for theirs. Or ask them whether they would like to hang out with you another time. Bottom line: if you’re interested in knowing this person more, seal the deal by asking them out casually.

Don’t...

• Bring up anything too personalWhen you start off flirting with someone you fancy, don’t bring up a very personal issue as part of the conversation. This can put people off or make them uncomfortable. So don’t go off and ask them how their grandmother died or what their family’s financial situation is like. As we mentioned in Do #1: Keep it casual!

• Be self-indulgentNo matter how much you love talking about yourself, restrain from doing so. Because when you’re flirting with someone, the idea is to make them feel as though the universe revolves around them. That doesn’t mean you don’t give out any information about yourself and remain a mystery man or woman. Just drop in a line or two about yourself when you feel appropriate and shift the focus of the conversation back to them.

• Be distractedFocus all your attention on the person you’re flirting with. That means not ogling other beautiful women or handsome men around. It also means not texting someone else while you’re in a conversation with them or checking your Blackberry chat or work emails. The world must wait for you to finish your business!

• Get too seriousRemember that flirting is about having fun and enjoying what you’re doing. Don’t get too serious and coiled up over it. If things don’t work out well the first time, don’t worry about it. It’s definitely not the end of the world. Move on and find some other interesting candidates to flirt with. And like anything else, flirting gets better with practice!

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Gayatri Parameswaran is a multi-award-winning writer, director and producer of immersive media works. She was born and raised in India and is currently based in Berlin, where she co-founded NowHere Media - a storytelling studio that views contemporary issues through a critical lens. She also edited the Love Matters website in its initial years. Check out more about her here.