Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

We had sex without condoms, help!

By Auntyji Tuesday, May 5, 2015 - 15:46
Auntyji, my girlfriend and I had unprotected sex. Now she missed her period. Are these early signs of pregnancy? It freaks me out. What will we do if she is...? Help me, and please take my query asap. Anil (21), Jabalpur.

Auntyji says… Eureka! You figured it out! So jee it is a fact that if one has unsafe sex, a girl can get pregnant... And you are surprised? 

Do you know early signs of pregnancy? Well, dude, to begin with, do a pregnancy test at home. At once. These kits are very easily available and are quite reasonable too. They are also quite reliable and all instructions of use are clearly given on the pack itself. So don’t waste any time and do a test, let’s get our facts right first.

And quite honestly there is every possibility that she may be pregnant. Not quite a good place to be, is it? Of course you don’t want to hear me say what I am going to say, but I can’t hold myself back.

Not a smart move

What were you thinking? Or, quite clearly, not thinking? One could say, you are 21, the age of marriage and consent. You supposedly have the maturity to vote and elect the person who will lead you and your country. But it’s clear that this is something you don’t quite get! And you are not the only one, it’s many young people out there.

You feel you are ready for sex, sure go ahead, we always say so. People ask us, what is the right age to begin having sex. We say it’s when you feel you are ready. Just so you know, ready here does not indicate ready to get going.

An erection is no indication of being ready for sex. Haan, that’s just a bodily response... being ready is much more than that. It’s about awareness, about responsibility, about safety and negotiation. And it’s also about fun and intimacy!

What if…

Of course, if she is NOT pregnant, you can heave a sigh of relief and thank all those 50-odd thousand Gods we have! However, if she is pregnant, what is your plan? 

Do you know anything about abortion? Do you have any idea where to go, where she can access safe services? Do you have any clue about what it does to your, rather HER, body? How do you plan to take her to a clinic, ensure she gets the service, pay for it, and bring her back home? Whose home? Yours or her parents’? How do you think you will handle that situation? Won’t they ask her what’s wrong? How will she manage that?

Do you know about early signs of pregnancy? Click here. 

Missed the memo?

I am kind of sorry to say this but I hardly have any patience with people in this regard. There is no way you missed the memo that if you have unsafe sex, you can get pregnant or catch an infection! There is enough information out there about this, there is enough talk, there are enough resources and yet you land up here!

Do you know that abortion services are both legal and free in our country since 1971. This basically means, no one can deny you these services once you are an adult. So now let’s get started with what you need to prep for if she is pregnant because know one thing, dear Anil, that you are in this together. You better be there by her side every minute of the way.

Get your act together

If your pregnancy test result is positive, find a very reliable, kind and qualified doctor and go to them at once. Do NOT self-medicate. You have no idea what that could lead to – excessive bleeding, sickness, and often even more extreme side effects. Take a friend with you or she can bring one, if she trusts someone.

There are two kinds of abortions available, ask your doctor to explain you about both – medical and surgical – and ask them for their advice, keeping your situation in mind.

Also figure out where your girlfriend will rest afterwards. How will you keep this from her family? How will all this be kept confidential? Discuss with your doctor and your girlfriend. It will come at a cost, organise that beforehand.

And most importantly, how will she handle the post-abortion symptoms, which could range from utter weakness to bleeding to soreness... and I am not even listing the emotional upheaval

Much on your plate

You have a lot to do, so hurry up. I am sorry but your girlfriend has not been too smart either. What was she thinking, “Let me go along with whatever my darling boyfriend says...” Well, here you have it, madam, you can now say, “Mein tulsi tere aangan ki!”

Anil, don’t freak out and get a grip – she needs you to be in control, and she needs all the love and support she can get. Give her the confidence that you both will get through this in the best way possible. Go on now, hurry up and get that test done and then get on with your jobs. Move it now!

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

Have you ever been in a similar situation as Anil? What did you do? Do you know early signs of pregnancy?Leave a comment below or via Facebook

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