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What is the right age to have children?

By Auntyji Tuesday, August 18, 2015 - 09:46
Auntyji, I am not sure if I am ready for a child. My husband, in-laws, parents and all relatives are pressuring me. Is there something like the right age to have a child? Karishma (24), Nagpur

Auntyji says... Yeh kaun log hain... who are making your reproductive health decisions for you, beta... zara mein bhi to sunu!

What is ‘right age’?

Yeh bata Karishma, whose body is it? Who will bring up the child? Whose life is going to be most impacted? Are you putting up your hand each time in response to these questions? Then who is mummyji? Batao, eh vee gull hai koi?

Betaji you are a healthy, young woman, you don’t have any medical problems nor have any complications emerged...hai ki nahin? What’s the hurry then? This is really, totally your decision beta. I know people may not like to hear this, but you see, there are some matters where only the woman’s decision matters. This is one of them!

Are you over 45 years that you may have difficulty conceiving? If not then what’s the discussion about ‘right age’? That one fine day you wake up and it is the dawn of the right age to have children? What’s the deal with the right age anyways?

Right age for sex, right age for marriage and next, right age for kids! Bhai, if the factory is working, yours and his, what’s the trauma then? What’s the hurry, mummyji, chachiji, papaji...let the mummy-to-be get ready ji!

Whose body? Whose right?

Ab aati hai baat reproductive rights ki... Whose rights are right? If you have a right to say, not now please, does he not have the same to say, now please? Bol Radha, bol! Yes of course he does, he can request it, suggest it, discuss it but he can’t force it.

In fact if the two of you are having an open discussion, and you have that space in your marriage, that is great! Explain your reason why not and solicit his help to explain it to the rest of the khandaan.

This really is between the two of you, only. In fact in your newly married years, it is suggested you use this time to get to know each other better. Make and form meaningful and responsible relationships, with each other and everyone else in the house and your spouse has to endeavour the same with your family as well, distant as they may be!

Once you both know each other, you also know what your support systems will be, who you will be able to fall back upon for helping in child care once the child does come. You all will be better prepared to bring a new person into this world, especially the body who is going to take on this task!

Good news!

Beta Karishma, ek kaam kar, one day show up at the breakfast table and make an announcement, “I have a good news,” and see the expression. Oh ho! Mom-in-law over the moon, chachi–in-law rushing to get mithai, papa-in-law bowing to the bevy of bhagwaans. Then add, “I got a pormotion!” And sit back to watch the commotion!

The thing is, a woman can achieve anything in life. She can be a leader, a fighter, a writer, she can be the head of an organisation, a bank, but jab tak she doesn’t produce an offspring or two, she is just the “poor thing,” bechari! High time we stopped defining womanhood in the context of motherhood, would you agree?

Those days have far gone beta, when women just produced kids on auto pilot. Now the mother has to be ready and the father prepared, the family supportive to really bring up a kid, not just let them come up on their own!

To protect the author’s privacy, the person in the picture is a model.

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dear karishma .. children's k liye age nhi body dkhte h kya app gud healthy h . agar app healthy i.e app bahut patle ho to yah sahi time nhi h bacho k liye phle app healthy hojao den bacho ki socho . app healthy honge to apke hone wale bache b . 2nd thnik mentally fit. btw bacho k liye sahi age h 24-28 ..jyada umra m bache huye to apko taklif n apke bache ko . to thnik about it ok all best . n dear auntiji hindi n English combination mast h apka :-D
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