Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

We can’t have a baby – help!

By Auntyji Thursday, May 11, 2017 - 13:08
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby since long but we haven’t succeeded. Do you think we should do some tests? What if I get blamed? Shoma (26), Kolkata.

Auntyji says… Aye meri beti, don’t pack in so many worries at one go beta. Let’s see what is happening... Ek minit puttar, aamar shathe kautha koro, ma go...

Testing v/s trying

So you say you have been “trying for long.” When did you get married? I’m guessing by your age it couldn’t have been so long ago. Beta, when we say trying for a pregnancy na, we actually mean planning sex around the days of ovulation, or rather having sex mainly with the intention of getting pregnant and that too is not so easy!

Often young couples are just having sex – and that is wonderful – and a pregnancy just comes along. Sometimes it doesn’t. So you could say in the initial months, you are just testing the ground, not really aiming for a pregnancy, no?

Most fertile

So you do know that to increase your chances of pregnancy you have to have sex – i.e penis in vagina and discharge in the vagina as well – on the days when you are ovulating, which means the days when you are most fertile. Now, that is totally dependent on your menstrual cycle.

Is that on track? Is everything fine in that department? No moody periods, I hope! You will be surprised to know, as are most people, that there are actually very few days in a month during which one can really conceive... Actually, just 24 hours or so, of course, terms and conditions exist!

Chart your dates

The easy way out would be to look up an ovulation chart/ovulation date calculator on the internet and fill in the dates of your periods and it will calculate your most fertile dates for you. Try a few different ones, just to double check and check even further. From the dates in your results, approximately 12-16 days later is when your period ought to come – see if it matches up.


Once you get this, my dear, in the next fertile days, sex has to happen, peno-vaginal, discharge inside! And please tell your husband too, no spilling his stuff elsewhere, not during these days at least!

And beta, this is for both of you – you just have to relax and take it easy and just go with the flow. No trauma and no background score that keeps droning, “Baby making in progress, do not disturb.” Change the litany jee! Chill and enjoy each other like you used to and let things happen.


Pressure valve released

You must have heard of those innumerable tales where couples have not conceived for years and they go ahead and adopt. The next you know– mummy is pregnant! Old wive’s tales will tell you it’s the luck of the new adopted child, God’s “return gift” for doing a good deed! Rubbish, I say!

Why adoption is looked at as this “charity” thing is beyond me. But many times it has been attributed to the new parents getting so comfy with a baby coming and are so relaxed and pressure-free that they actually conceive.

Gender bound

Ab rahee baat about your fears. To begin with, why is your husband not worried for the same reasons? After all, the question is also about his manhood, his mardangi, his machoness. But, no! You are very right, beta Shoma, women have to put up with the needle of suspicion pointing towards them first!

I’m so glad you said this, dear, because nowadays people think these things don’t happen in “our class.” And by that I mean the educated, working, upper-middle level people, professionals such as you. What a misconception! Sach toh yeh hai ki, this gender gadbad is omnipresent. Every and any women may have to put up with it. So your fears are very genuine.

No harm talking

But fears are ghosts, Shoma puttar, they don’t always exist! So let’s not fight them before we have to. Discuss it with your partner. Ask him, “What if we have to go through some tests and treatments?” “What if something is missing in me?” And “What if something is in you?”

How will that make you feel, Shoma? Will it affect your relationship with him? Change how you feel about him? Start talking to each other. No harm in that. Get your own ideas clear regarding this and I hope, sincerely, that your man will stand up to be a real pillar of strength and be ready to apply the same rules to you as they may to him.

Lekin tab tak, both of you relax and be happy and mark the days... Those are definitely sex night waale days! Yippee! You get to do it – in any and many ways, with abandon and glee – bilkul bindaas ho ke! A win-win situation... you conceive, super, if not this month, then next and the sex was worth it anyway, na jee!

Read on to get some tips on how to get pregnant

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

This article was first published on 16 September 2014. 

Have you got more tips for Shoma? Share your thoughts and ideas with us by leaving a comment below or via Facebook.

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माफ़ कर बेटा लेकिन महिला सेक्स की वस्तु नहीं है जो इज्जत तुम अपने घर की महिलाओं को देते हैं वैसे ही दूसरी महिलाओं को भी दो. और यह साइट इसमें आपकी मदद नहीं कर सकती. कोई सवाल हो तोह हमें लिखो. ठीक है?
Sat, 05/13/2017 - 07:56
Mujhe 2 mahine pahle to achi tarah se sex ka aand le raha tha lekin ab meri whaife pregnent he our me ab sex krta hu to mera viry bahot jaldi nikal jata he meri samajh me nahi aa raha he ke ye kya ho gaya me kya karu me bahut pareshan hu
Relax, beta. Virya ka gadha-mota hone se koi sambandh nahi hai zara yeh padho: Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon!
mam meri peheli sadi 8sal hum sath the or un sal m 4 bar bacha dawai khila ke gira diya usne or ab sb meri dusri sadi ko 2 sal ho gaya h or m maa nhi bn paa rahi hu ab mujhe smjh nhi aa raha h m ky karu pls help me mam mera pati mujhe bache na hone ki waja se chor raha h
Hmmm! Hum aapki pareshani samajh sakte hain bete! Kya aap is bare mein abhi tak Kisi panjikrit doctor se milli hain? Ek vishesagya ya achche panjikrit doctor se consult kijiye - unhe puri baat share kijiye aur unke nirdesh ko follow kijiye. Aur Jaldi pregnancy ke tips yaha pahdiye: Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon!
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