Unmarried and scared to go to the gynae, help!

Auntyji says, ‘Oh ho... one more gynecologist story emerges…’

Its called sex, doc

Sometimes I feel the gynaecs have missed the memo. Girls have sex – without marriage. I wonder if they have a class on sex in their medical college – or do they directly skip to the prajannan and pregnancy chapters! And seems like that’s what happened with your gynaec too.

A common presumption is that women cannot have sex unless married to a man, and definitely not ask for a contraceptive device.

Sex is equal to marriage

Unfortunately, the act of sex is still seen through a post-marriage lens. And care providers are very much a part of the system. People assume that you will be a ‘virginal’ white lily till you marry.

And like someone said to me, a girl will gift her most ‘anmol rattan’ (virginity) to her husband on her wedding night. That got me thinking, what’s the male version of ‘anmol rattan’? Hehe, just kidding puttarji!

Moral police at large

So beta Shirsiti, if you feel that your gynaec is more worried about your virginity and morals than your health, just don’t bother. This gynaec is not the only one in town Shristi and frankly, can we even begin to entirely blame the doctor?

Sometime, in the defense of the gynaecs – may I add something? It is quite possible that she has not been trained or exposed to this sort of thought process. Maybe she is asking you all these questions to improve and adapt her service to you?

Maybe she wants to be sure of what she offers to you – wrapped up in her own morals and language? For eg: If you have a vaginal infection of any kind when you are sexually active, she may prescribe you a different treatment as compared to what she will prescribe if you have not had sex.

And instead of asking whether you are sexually active, she may ask: are you married? Maybe she knows no different, was taught no other way? So give her a benefit of doubt too sometimes.

More to come

Perhaps puttar ji, this is the time to cease the moment and ‘educate’ the doctor – an unwilling recipient maybe. But have yourself heard before you feel upset. Ask her why she needs the information. And if you feel that the information is needed for her advice and service to you, tell her. If not, just politely decline.  

You don't owe anyone a litany of your sexual life. That’s yours to share or not. You can also choose a ‘progressive’ doctor, ask your pals – find someone who ‘gets it’.  

The ‘fit bit’ in this is – get fit. Irrespective of who you have sex with, how many times in the day or night and with what gender, must not come in the way of your seeking and accessing health services. It is your body and it's entirely your right.  OK Miss World - I mean, Shrishti puttar!

*To protect the identity, names have been changed and the person/s in the picture is/are models. This article was first published on Oct 18, 2018. 

Have you had an uncomfortable experience when seeking a service related to your sexual health? Comment below or share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum.