Auntyji says… Oh ho beta Seema, that’s really terrible! It’s your time to be happy and relaxed but here you are sitting on an active volcano!
Tough to tell
Puttar, you are asking whether it is a dowry demand. Hmm… pakka toh pata nahin… but yes, we can look at it that way. Dowry demands don’t always come in lists and Excel sheets. They can be very insidious and cleverly concealed.
What is happening with you meanwhile is that you are feeling small and low in status. Now that will surely impact your relationship with your new family. Bade stupid log hain! How does a big scale marriage and a lot of money ensure a happy relationship? Your guess is as good as anyone’s, beta.
Handle with care
So beta, you have to handle this situation very delicately. Hai na? Ki kisi ko bura na lag jaye but they stop bothering you. Your first goalpost is your dear husband. Where does he stand in these situations? Is he absent or out of the picture? As most husbands and partners are when their parents want to take control.
Even today, your Uncleji is forever ‘not there’ when some delicate conversations are taking place at home. Talk to your partner, tell him what you are feeling and what conversations are happening, if they are happening behind his back. Don’t complain, just discuss. Ask if there were any expectations that were discussed with him? Does he know anything?
Et tu, Brute?
Another important point to think over. What’s your stand on dowry? Do you agree with it? I hope not, beta Seema. I hope you don’t think that lena – dena in marriages is justified. I hope you don’t think this it is acceptable because it has been happening for long.
Don’t buy the chalta hai attitude because once you subscribe to this game, there is no stopping.
It is just a very easy way to allow demands to come and go under the pretext of general traditions. No one can ever buy their daughter a better life by giving dowry. Bluntly speaking, it always comes to bite you in your a**, sooner or later. So better be clear on this yourself first, dear Seema.
Asking for trouble
Dear puttar, dowry is a punishable offence. Many young women have filed complaints and called the cops on the very day of their wedding. Dowry is a very old fashioned and patriarchal construct where the girl is not considered good enough. She must come wrapped in gifts, money and commodities not only for her husband but the entire family, not just once, but all her life.
This is one of the reasons why people are forced to kill their daughters when they are born. In years to come, the pressure of in-laws, marriage and societal expectations will crumble them anyhow. How stupid is that?
An appeal to all you ladkis
You have to stop it, beta! You have to tell your parents and stop them from giving anything. You will not subscribe to demands, big or small. Learn to fight it and deal with it. My dear, deal with it softly, sweetly, calmly, and if need be loudly and clearly. You are the most precious gift anyone can have. You don’t need to come padded with anything further.
To protect the author’s privacy, the person in the picture is a model.