Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

I am unable to adjust in my new home post marriage. What should I do?

By Auntyji Thursday, September 7, 2017 - 12:42
Hi Auntyji, I got married six months ago but am not happy. I am not able to adjust or co-operate in my new home. I am quite depressed. I don’t know what to do. Gurpreet, 24, Amritsar.

Auntyji says...Betaji, I am sure you must have heard the common line - ‘adjustment takes time’ so many times now, so let me at least avoid saying it. Chalo dekhein how can I help you!

Invest yourself

Puttar, the crucial thing here to note is that all relationships are worth investing your time and energy in. Give it a chance before giving up on it. Here, I am not only talking about marriage but it is rather applicable to anyone you meet or deal with. Investing in a relationship is never a bad bet – you will come out learning something about yourself, about people, about love and you may be very surprised along the journey. So I will say, give it a shot; not one but many.

Firm your ally

Achcha ji, a few tips henceforth. Sabse tops, the husband is your best bet. Work it out with him first. Settle issues, expectations, and hopes with him mutually. Get him to see your point of view but hear him out too. Go that extra mile to put in an effort but don’t forget to expect the same! Don’t play the blame game – no chun chun, no finger pointing or complaining. Prep yourself. Say what you are missing, express your own expectations and list out what you can do and what you can’t do – clearly. See if you both converge in same directions or are you two trains going towards two alag alag patris?

Defining boundaries

Set your boundaries and limits and look out for the same for the members of your new family too. Be vocal about what is possible for you to do but say it rather softly rather than sounding rude about it. Like, you cannot cook up a storm in the kitchen after getting back from work at 7 pm. You cannot also expect them to quit the use of sarson ka oil, because you don’t like it. The best way to tackle it is by requesting them to use it somewhat sparingly (the oil, aur kya)! Betajaan, as I always say – do we really need a tope (artillery) to swat a makhi (fly)? No na. So, be flexible but be firm. Don’t over-promise beta and don’t under deliver either.

Be direct

Betaji, seedhee baat goes a long way – maybe not initially, but surely in the long run. So talk directly. Don’t go through your sister-in-law or any other relative to communicate with your mother-in-law. Cut out any element of doubt in your talks. Get a problem-solving attitude, not a problem finding one! While there is no reason to please others or be the ever compromising weeping willow, there is no reason either why you should be the hardest nut to crack in the pile too. Samjhe?

Give it your best shot

Change is never easy for anyone beta and I cannot emphasize more on it. I’ll say the same thing again betarelationships are completely worth all your efforts and there is no easy formula to crack this nut too. Uske baad, if things don’t work out, at least you are sure, you gave it your best. So go ahead Gurpreet. Give it your best and honest shot and who knows, you may find some wonderful surprises en route.

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

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