Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

My BF won't kiss in public – is he right?

By Auntyji Tuesday, November 18, 2014 - 11:13
I kissed my bf in public the other day. He’s really shy so he freaked out. Is it wrong to show affection openly? I think it’s cute! I’m in a dilemma – help! Ritika (24), Pune.

Auntyji says Oye, I hope he has not banned you from going out with him in public! You are too hot to handle, hain kuddiye!?

Hunn the matter is that this public display of affection (PDA) has become the new big deal with you young people. You want to do it and yet not, you want to express yourself but you are not sure ... It’s a bit of a conundrum, as a friend of mine likes to say! So let’s first discuss ki yeh hai kya and what could be the matter with the bf... if at all any.

Pretty simple jee, I have affection for someone, I show it in many ways and in many places – some of them being in public. That’s all. Now there are a few players in this entire activity. You – the displayer; s/he – the receiver; and the general public at large – the watcher or observer! So now, all these will have not just one but varied reactions and responses to what’s going on, hai ki nahin?

Immoral?

You, the displayer, is happiest when the receiver is as responsive and glad to be the object of your affection, and returns your act with the same fervour. The issue is – are the observers as happy? If yes, then perfect. But when one of these actors is not so OK, the drama begins.

The observer feels, “What the hell, why should I have to watch these immoral acts?” They could react subtly by looking away or could react violently, something we are all aware of. Unfortunate! In this regard, beware displayers.

Thus and therefore, choosing how much is too much and where you are doing this may be smart! A party, a pub, a chilled out place where you are largely amongst peers, to name a few, may be better accepted than, say, a family get-together, mummy ke saamne, a religious ceremony, a funeral....hah! Sounds of ‘Ommm’ getting mixed up with ‘Ohhhh’ may not be a very great cocktail, you get my drift?

Tense tension

Then comes the receiver. You usually hold hands, come close to talk to each other and one day you just kiss them in the metro, let’s say. They flip, you fumble, big locha! S/he gives you the incredulous what-are-you-doing look as if you have taken your top off and suddenly a wall crops up between you two, where there was to be only love and affection.

Oops. Sudden silence, everyone uncomfortable, and you the doer is left hurt and angry. One can cut the tension with a knife! Tension! One may ask, “Why did she do it in the first place!” Arre?!

Usually one does a thing of this type to lay a few markers like – I love this person, I am proud to be with this person, this is my sweetheart and – the occasional – hands off! But between both of you, unless you have had a situation to talk or discuss this, it’s a very high possibility, you may have read the signals all wrong.

Now did s/he know that the guy/girl who is otherwise so into her, is going to behave like a kaddu suddenly, transform from a siren to a Sita, from a Sallu to a ullu? Unless you have discussed it, tested limits before hand, you may be in for a bit of a surprise, read shock!

Talk it out

A person, here the receiver, may be very demonstrative in private but is also that – private. The minute something of this sort happens – because it is in public – they freeze. These are private matters for them, not to be seen and shown. They may be shy and on becoming the centre of sexual or physical attention, they go into a coma or behave as if they have been attacked by an alien.

Talk about it, explain yourself, reach a level of comfort and ease on the matter and even encourage them to show some, once in a while and not go ‘freezer’ on you the next time you do it. Respect their comfort too, it’s not so hard, is it? Sure, no one likes to be shunned when showing love, but ok, understandable.

There is an unsaid etiquette of PDA. You could say no harm in trying, especially when we are all going through changing times. Showing love, being sweet, romantic is nice. Aam janta should not really have a problem, but if it gets over the top, then you may want to be aware that there could be implications, some rather severe.

Jab pyaar kiya toh...

It’s about loving and being in love, is it not? So let’s not cause any hurt and harm or hatred towards anyone. I toh am very happy about it, the world loves a lover. Suniyo, sabton jaada, Auntyji –­ pyaar kiya koi chori nahin ki chup chup ahein bharna kya...

Find out what Mumbai thinks about Kissing in public.

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

Have you ever tried kissing your lover in public? How did they react? Leave your comments below or share your thoughts via Facebook.

Auntyji says Oye, I hope he has not banned you from going out with him in public! You are too hot to handle, hain kuddiye!?

Hunn the matter is that this public display of affection (PDA) has become the new big deal with you young people. You want to do it and yet not, you want to express yourself but you are not sure ... It’s a bit of a conundrum, as a friend of mine likes to say! So let’s first discuss ki yeh hai kya and what could be the matter with the bf... if at all any.

Pretty simple jee, I have affection for someone, I show it in many ways and in many places – some of them being in public. That’s all. Now there are a few players in this entire activity. You – the displayer; s/he – the receiver; and the general public at large – the watcher or observer! So now, all these will have not just one but varied reactions and responses to what’s going on, hai ki nahin?

Immoral?

You, the displayer, is happiest when the receiver is as responsive and glad to be the object of your affection, and returns your act with the same fervour. The issue is – are the observers as happy? If yes, then perfect. But when one of these actors is not so OK, the drama begins.

The observer feels, “What the hell, why should I have to watch these immoral acts?” They could react subtly by looking away or could react violently, something we are all aware of. Unfortunate! In this regard, beware displayers.

Thus and therefore, choosing how much is too much and where you are doing this may be smart! A party, a pub, a chilled out place where you are largely amongst peers, to name a few, may be better accepted than, say, a family get-together, mummy ke saamne, a religious ceremony, a funeral....hah! Sounds of ‘Ommm’ getting mixed up with ‘Ohhhh’ may not be a very great cocktail, you get my drift?

Tense tension

Then comes the receiver. You usually hold hands, come close to talk to each other and one day you just kiss them in the metro, let’s say. They flip, you fumble, big locha! S/he gives you the incredulous what-are-you-doing look as if you have taken your top off and suddenly a wall crops up between you two, where there was to be only love and affection.

Oops. Sudden silence, everyone uncomfortable, and you the doer is left hurt and angry. One can cut the tension with a knife! Tension! One may ask, “Why did she do it in the first place!” Arre?!

Usually one does a thing of this type to lay a few markers like – I love this person, I am proud to be with this person, this is my sweetheart and – the occasional – hands off! But between both of you, unless you have had a situation to talk or discuss this, it’s a very high possibility, you may have read the signals all wrong.

Now did s/he know that the guy/girl who is otherwise so into her, is going to behave like a kaddu suddenly, transform from a siren to a Sita, from a Sallu to a ullu? Unless you have discussed it, tested limits before hand, you may be in for a bit of a surprise, read shock!

Talk it out

A person, here the receiver, may be very demonstrative in private but is also that – private. The minute something of this sort happens – because it is in public – they freeze. These are private matters for them, not to be seen and shown. They may be shy and on becoming the centre of sexual or physical attention, they go into a coma or behave as if they have been attacked by an alien.

Talk about it, explain yourself, reach a level of comfort and ease on the matter and even encourage them to show some, once in a while and not go ‘freezer’ on you the next time you do it. Respect their comfort too, it’s not so hard, is it? Sure, no one likes to be shunned when showing love, but ok, understandable.

There is an unsaid etiquette of PDA. You could say no harm in trying, especially when we are all going through changing times. Showing love, being sweet, romantic is nice. Aam janta should not really have a problem, but if it gets over the top, then you may want to be aware that there could be implications, some rather severe.

Jab pyaar kiya toh...

It’s about loving and being in love, is it not? So let’s not cause any hurt and harm or hatred towards anyone. I toh am very happy about it, the world loves a lover. Suniyo, sabton jaada, Auntyji –­ pyaar kiya koi chori nahin ki chup chup ahein bharna kya...

Find out what Mumbai thinks about Kissing in public.

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

Have you ever tried kissing your lover in public? How did they react? Leave your comments below or share your thoughts via Facebook.

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Comments
Auntiji.. Plz help.. hm nd hmare gf ek sal se relation me hai.. Vo hmse khete hai ki hmse sharmaya mat kro... Hm eska mutlab kya smjhe... Hme use kiss krna chahate hai. Lekin bol ni pate... Hme koi ese tip dejeye jis se hm us se khe de aur usko bura bi nai lage... Hm use khona ni chahate.... Plz help.. Its serious
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