In love with my married friend - should I tell him?

Auntyji says... Hain? “He belongs to Muslim religion!” Iska kya matlab hua betaji? How does his religion make anything better or worse here? Let's discuss.

Well-adjusted or not

Beta Alice, are you under the impression that because he belongs to a certain community, he will be open to having relationships with multiple partners? Why, Alice?

Just because the community allows you to have more than one marital partner, he will try to adjust or fit you in? Alice, does that make any sense to you? Isn’t this a huge assumption?

The feelings and sentiments of both the partners are crucial in any relationship.

Old flames

All else aside, you’ve found a man you feel attracted to. There’s nothing wrong with that. Love happens ji. It happens anytime and anywhere.

When we fall in love or experience attraction towards someone, we get to know so much about our own self too, isn’t it? You can now say that he’s your kind of guy.

You also seem to have identified why you like him so much. You knew him when you were young and bubbling with life and now - kaboom!

He’s grown up to be the man you always wanted and you really want to be with him now.

All the tiny details

So while you are in this heady haze, there are a few other details you may be missing. Apart from the tiny detail of him being married. Here they are. Beta, chatting mein mohabbat is very different from reality mein pyaar.

One of the qualities he’s developed could be that he writes very well. He’s very expressive, and maybe that also means he’s a cool guy. But, Alice, he may be a total specimen in real life.

He may have some terrible habits or a squeaky, nasal voice. Think of Janice from Friends or our very own Donald Duck.

Mind your manners

So let’s do the inventory. First, you may want to make sure that you don’t let things slip while you’re chatting. Saying “I love you” to him would have been a great admission eight years ago. Now it seems totally out of bounds.

Blatantly confessing your love to him might make him uncomfortable. It can really mean a breach of his trust, Alice.

I hope you haven’t spoken about this to your common friends either. If you have, that means the rest of your group becomes involved in something very personal between two people.

High stakes and low gains

There is a lot at stake here, puttar! You have this huge crush and he has no idea. You have some long-term plans developing and he’s already in a long-term commitment.

You may be assuming too much, Alice. You think he might be interested in you, but that could be a delusion.

 

Puttar, ek baar mil toh le. Who knows? He may give you a good reason to end the chats altogether.

Eh das Alice, what if he belonged to a different community?  Would you have similar hopes about him?

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

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