Auntyji says… Hmmmm, the good thing is that you have been open enough to talk about this and seek some advice. Also please know that you are not alone in this feeling, it is quite a common conundrum, let’s discuss it.
Power over you
Well beta, as we have discussed in one of our earlier columns, this is a very mixed sort of a situation – whilst certain cultures accept relationships between cousins, most of them sternly look down upon them. One thing is for certain though, nowhere is a relationship between siblings accepted. That is pretty much NA – not acceptable!
However, many young people talk about it, ask about it. Where do these feelings emerge from? What converts a bond of carefree affection into one in which a sister has to guard herself from and watch herself against her own brother? When did the equation change that the same brother you were climbing trees with suddenly has the power over your body?
This whole Raksha Bandhan thing, ask the sisters who have been touched, groped, looked at sexually by the man they are asking for protection and security from! How odd is that? Rakhsha Bandhan nanhin, Rakshas Bandhan!
To top it all, look at the amount of social, religious, and even political sanction this festival has been given.Think again of that sister who is quaking, cringing and fuming as she ties that thread on the same hand that has violated her and perhaps her other siblings as well.
Got it wrong
Beta, one big error of judgement we make – we confuse proximity with “availability.” Just because she is the only young woman around you doesn’t mean she is available to your sexual fantasies and desires. She has as much right to be in the house as do you, theek hai na? So back off a bit.
Your sister is just living her life being clueless about your obsessions. Every time you see her, you don’t see a childhood mate but rather a “potential chance” to have sex. Now that is rather disturbing, is it not? And very unfair, would you not agree?
The fact that you are asking is a good sign. You too are confused and upset, I can see. Beta, there are some relationships from which the sex angle must be kept out. Siblings, parents, people who trust us, older people and kids definitely fall in that category and this is not an exhaustive list.
For years on end, so many young women and men remain hurt, anguished, agonised and angry because their brother, uncle, chacha, maama and many more such rishetdaars went ahead and did exactly what you are planning dear, A*&^%! Whilst you may find your sister very “sexy,” and she may well be so, I am afraid she is off your limits. Get a grip and move on.
Hot on your heels
What would that Raksha Bandhan scene look like where the beloved brother puts out his hand to get that rakhi tied and she speaks up, “Well, you know what, I am done with this ridiculous patriarchal scene of ‘normalcy’. You don’t need protection to protect me. I need it protection against you, you creep. You have been sexually assaulting me for years, you perv!”
Not much of a family get together that, haan? Watch it, brothers, that day is not too far!
To protect the author’s privacy, the person in the picture is a model.
Have you ever been in a similar situation? Have you felt attracted to your sister or your brother? Write to us via comments or on Facebook!