But I find taking naked pictures of myself so weird. This is like a thorn in my flesh – I am so torn. Please help, Auntyji! Farzana (24), Delhi
Auntyji says... I see, there's some uncharted territory being explored. Why have you not sent those pictures, Farzana? Why have you not done it? Do you not know why?
Let me take a guess – it's simply because you are not comfortable with his ‘request’. It's not because you don’t have a good camera or a tripod to fix your camera on. It's not that you find it weird, it’s just that you are a bit freaked out.
Cool it, babes. You're not doing anything wrong or unfair by not sending him those pictures. Take it easy and pull that thorn out. OK, lady?
Out of your control Filming, taking pictures, watching yourself do it, doing it in front of a mirror – all may be super sexy things for some people. A lot of times, their partners may love it too. And then there are those whose partners may play along just to please them, keep it sexy and passionate. All that's OK.
But when one partner is freaked or weirded out, I wonder if it is really a negotiated act or just a demand, an assertion...
Whether you know the person or not, there is a lot of risk in sending nude pictures to anyone – because they are out of your control then, aren't they?
Moreover, like everything else in love, sex and relationships, we sort of agree on what we do and what we don’t. Is that not what we call consent? And if one of the partners makes us do what we don’t want to, what do we call that then, eh?
Guilt-tripping It seems like your boyfriend is making you do something you don’t want to do. He is adamant and wants just that. Now you can use all your persuasive skills, but the man won't budge. He says he misses you to show that he cares for you, to me it sounds more like coercion, betaji.
Here is one 'Auntyism' to help you out. If you don’t feel good about it, hold off on it. I have used this principle very effectively even while cooking, you see beta! And when I hold off, I always feel better about it later. He wants it, you don’t want it. He is just guilt-tripping you and you are getting caught in the trap.
Check the list Farzana begum, it's time to pull out that little piece of paper we all crumple up and tuck away in our closets somewhere – the Relationship Checklist.
Take a good, long look – at your boyfriend, at the relationship, at yourself, and see if you are who you were, are you who you want to be, are you doing what you do because you want to.
Do you feel good and dignified about it? And, are you ready to do what he says because of his arm-twisting techniques, or because you think it's sexy?
Sometimes we stay in a relationship because we grow comfortable in it, like an old pair of sneakers. But when those very same sneakers begin to erode at the bottom, we've got to take them off, don’t we?
Socho puttar, socho!
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