Love Matters

My fiancé wants me tested for HIV – should I agree?

By Auntyji Sunday, December 11, 2016 - 11:30
Auntyji, I am getting married. My fiancé has asked me to get tested for HIV. He says everyone should get it done before marriage. I am too shocked. Riya (23), Orrisa.

Auntyji says… What are you shocked about beta Riya? Your fiancé asking you to get tested for HIV. Or that he thinks you are not a virgin.

An act of entrapment

I don’t think he is trapping you Riya. I can hear him thinking for you. If you say yes to the test, you have nothing to fear or lose. That means to him, you are still a virgin. If you say no to testing, he will think you must’ve had sex before marriage. Simple, right?

I don’t blame people for such poor thinking and attitude. I tell you, your Auntyji has seen all kinds this year. But this is hardly the route one should take.

So simply put – it’s an easy advice. Let’s be safe. In one sense, you may say he is trying to establish his trust over you. He isn’t asking you if your hymen is intact, is he? Let me tell you puttar, many others ask that too.

Progressive thought

What’s freaking you out so much, puttar? Your fiancé asking you to get tested for HIV. You must be thinking that’s a very non-traditional thing to do, right? Yes, it is. Very non-traditional and progressive too.

You should be happy beta. The man you are marrying is brave and bold.

He is asking for a proof of good health and safety; not your virginity. What’s so wrong with that?

It’s a great idea to get tested, beta. You should know the score on him too. To me, it looks like the man is confident. He also has a lot of confidence – to ask you and to break traditional mindset. Am I right?

Heavy baggage

You see HIV/AIDS testing comes with a lot of emotional baggage. Getting a test done can mean a lot of things. Let’ say you have been sexually active before marriage. That can be the case. There’s no harm in that, as long as one is bringing along the tiny little, lightweight champion along – the condom.


One of the most common routes to transmit infections or diseases is through sexual contact. We all know that and hence talking about HIV is talking about your sex life, in one way. But the good news is, it’s not being forced on you or on anybody, is it?

As of now, it is a request and a suggestion. That is always charming, isn’t it? Your fiancé is not holding a gun to your head.

Voluntary vs. Mandatory

We all have the right to detest anything that is forced upon us, don’t we? If I ask you to drink Pepsi when you like Coke, you won’t like my attitude, will you? If I make you eat vegetarian food when you wake up to bacon beckoning, you won’t comply with, will you?

So as long as your fiancé’s idea is just a suggestion or a voluntary decision left to your choice – maybe you will consider it. If it comes back with a double delight – test for you and me TOO, then that’s even better. Is it not?

Like I said earlier, HIV testing is not a character validation certificate but a suggestion for safety and good health.

Testing for HIV/AIDS is a good idea as long as it’s voluntary and not jabaran or zabardasti or mandatory. It’s worth a thought and a shot, isn’t it?

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

Have you ever been tested for HIV? Share your thoughts in comments or write to us on Facebook. If you have a question or a doubt, please visit our discussion forum.

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