*Chhavi Subash is a 25-year-old assistant from Patna. She currently lives in Delhi.
Jab we met
Every night, before I fall asleep, I go to Tinder to look for random conversations with boys. I am also very keen on seeing if there’s any match since I am single. I clearly remember the time when I swiped right on him. I have always been attracted to boys with a beard. His profile picture was just the perfect thing to catch my attention. As soon as I swiped right, we matched. I dropped him a text immediately. I assumed him to be intelligent after stalking him on Facebook.
He was quick to respond. We started chatting and soon moved from Tinder to Facebook and then to WhatsApp. Our chats didn’t end there. We had started speaking to each other over the phone daily. I think it was then that I realised I fell in love with him. He asked me out in a few days and I said yes. He seemed witty, funny, genuine and humble. Everything that I had desired for.
Our first date
After a month of talking over the phone, we finally decided to meet. When we met, I was strangely ecstatic to see him. He was polite and amusing and that’s what I liked the most about him. We talked about our jobs, families and our childhood. A drink later, we were discussing about sexual fantasies. It was interesting to see him so open to talking about sex. Most of my friends would never talk about it.
We discussed a lot of our feelings and thoughts during our date. We also spoke about our favourite movies, artists, books, sexual history and preferences. We didn't always have matching views but one time our choices matched. It was with the movie ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’.
Unfolding the horror
Both of us agreed that a lot of our friends misunderstood the difference between some common sexual fantasies and fetishes. Most of these misconceptions were further validated by the film. He asked me if I would ever want to try anything from BDSM, an abbreviation for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. My reaction was expressed a bit late but I said that I would like to explore it someday.
We parted ways that day only to decide to meet again. The third time we met, we played chess and sipped wine at his apartment. Within a few minutes, we were already close to each other. He started kissing me, biting my neck and pulling me closer.
We were enjoying the foreplay and wanted to pick up the momentum from there. Suddenly, he began kissing and biting my lips wildly. He also started hurting me, biting me very hard on my sensitive parts, forcing all his strength on me and squeezing me tightly. It seemed okay in the beginning but got painful with every passing second. I started to get worried.
You asked for it!
For those few minutes, it seemed like the more it hurt me, the more pleasure he got. I was not very comfortable with it. I asked him to stop politely at first but had to yell when he disregarded my request. He stopped immediately and gave me a terrible look.
When he got away from me, I started wearing my dress, planning to leave as soon as possible. He interjected me and said, 'You asked for it!' I denied. We had never discussed to engage in bondage or anything else but just shared our views on the topic once. I should have realised that he was discussing it because he was interested in it.
Thoughtful ride
On my cab ride back home, I was lost in thinking and reflecting. I was beginning to wonder how unsafe my experience was. Any woman or man who seeks casual sex without deciding what’s at stake can be at risk. I think the problem we faced was due to lack of communication on BDSM.
I had just expressed my desire to try it once. That didn’t mean I was ready. I wish I had stated it clearly. I wanted to have a great night with him.
Finally, as I got home, I realised I had just met him thrice and he already forced his fantasies on me. What if he had gone angry during the love making and tried to hurt me? I was glad that he stopped. He agreed to respect my choice and consent. From that day, I decided to lay down my rules clearly to any guy I would meet in future.
The person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. This article was first published on March 3, 2017.
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