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I'm so lonely, how can I stay faithful?

Auntyji Love Matters
Auntyji, my husband is in the army. He is posted at the border. I live alone and it is killing me. I don’t want to cheat on him. Please help! Smita (26), New Delhi.

Auntyji says… Indeed Smita puttarloneliness can be very treacherous. It makes you do things you may never do otherwise. Kuddiye, I am glad that you wrote to us to seek advice.

Placebo effect

Achha hun, what to do? Since you have mentioned cheating – let’s discuss that first. Beta, what gives you an impression that having an affair will sort out your loneliness ka maamla? It is a quick–fix and it might make you feel good and happy but only for that time being.

Beta, you will still go back to an empty house. You will still feel empty, won’t you? A short-term affair is like a placebo. Just a pill that makes you feel better but doesn’t really cure you.

Puttar, you also know how fast rumours spread. Especially when it is about love, sex and relationships. If all this is happening in and around a cantonment or people associated to it – oh ho – you very well know the chances of this news reaching the border faster than you can reach.

Unseen and unheard

To top it all, here are some more issues associated with short-term affair or cheating. Finding the right person, building your chemistry and knowing each other.

Beta, you are married. You aren’t talking about or looking for a divorce. This means if you have sex outside your marriage, it would be a big secret, right? The person you may have sex with may also want to keep it a secret.

You may want to go out for a film or dinner together but you both cannot afford to be seen in public with another person. There is nothing to feel good about in these situations, beta. So let’s try to not get into another disturbing situation in an effort to solve one.

To-do list

Since loneliness is killing you, how about you spend your time outside the house? Why don’t you join a gym? A hobby class? Or something you wanted to do but could not pursue. Take up a part-time job – even if it’s a volunteer position.

Betaji, an idle mind is a devil’s workshop. 

Get into a pattern and a routine. It will help you focus and look forward to your next day. Alongside, it will help you make some new friends, build a social circle with whom you can hang out occasionally or call them over and generally enjoy your time. 

Give yourself some attention too. Start connecting with the stuff and friends you have ignored all these years. Travelling can also be satisfying. Take your parents or parents-in-law along if you want. They will be so delighted and you will win many family brownie points. 

Sex in need – Indeed!

Sex is clearly something that everyone wants. I can understand that you are falling short of it. You are the owner of your life and body and you have to make decisions for yourself.

One last thing beta, if at all you are planning to get into an affair, think carefully before you take the first step. Affairs tend to follow us, even when they are finished. Sometimes very late in our lives too. But more than that, they tend to interfere with your primary relationship too.

As of now, it seems to me that your trip to the beautiful borders of India is on the cards. Book that ticket. Go hang around the phaujis and our sipahis. Don’t disturb your husband’s routine by depending on him. Roam around and see what works for you.

Uske baad whatever you decide will be well thought out. Enjoy your travel and your journey of self-discovery.

 

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

 

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