auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

Why doesn't he kiss me anymore?

By Auntyji Tuesday, August 20, 2013 - 16:02
Q: My husband and I have been married three years – it was a love marriage. We still have sex regularly, but he doesn't kiss me or look at me during sex. What’s wrong? Does he still love me? What do I do? Suhani (27), Ranchi

Auntyji says... Oye hoye Suhani beta, this is a very different kind of query and thanks for bringing it up.

So to begin with, please stop internalizing this NOW, matlab ki... don’t get on this “have I done something wrong” trip – or “am I not pretty, am I not sexy for him anymore?” and certainly not, “does he not love me anymore?”

Tastes change

Why is this happening? There could be a number of reasons and psycho-babble will just confuse the matter. He could be off kissing and he could be very uncomfortable or even shy of how he looks whilst ‘cumming’... you know, eyes popping, teeth clenched... but yet enjoying the experience. So we don’t really know why... and neither does that solve anything.

So this is a new-ish phenomenon, no kissing! Since just one year. Have you asked him why? What does he say? Is he just off kissing or is it not nice for him anymore – what is it?

See beta, sometimes people go off something for a while or you could even say, their ‘tastes’ change. Now this is a real Catch 22 – you want kissing, he is off it, where shall the twain meet?

No guilt trip

I feel you must have done it already. But it’s the only way out. The point is how you do it. So let’s see if anything works.

First, don’t demand explanations – gems like: “Why are you like this?” “ Is something wrong with you?” “You’d better get your act together otherwise!” Cut it out!

Tell him what you feel, tell him you miss it, miss him... ask him if something has changed for him and ask him for a solution. He may look for a way out... it is very uncomfortable talking about sex. He may ask for ‘time to think’. Give it, but with an expiry date and then again on that day or abouts, sit down, for a cup of coffee.

PLEASE ladies! Keep out the Meena Kumari act! You don’t love me anymore, is there someone else? Mujh mein kyaa kumai reh gayee... please! Putting him on a guilt trip won’t make it any better, will just push him miles away, not just him, anyone. Guilt is not sexy at all!

Talk it through

Beta, self reflect. Have you changed in any way? Are you healthy, clean, active and all that he fell in love with? Are you still his dilruba? Or has the daily humdrum of life reduced that spark? Do a quick inventory!

Having said all this, beta Suhani, should he be able to talk this through, be ready for some changes too. He may just say, “I can’t kiss anymore.” He may say, “I don’t know what’s happening but something is.” So what then?

The point is - you had a love marriage, you are feeling lonely, you feel his love for you is waning. My dear, a ‘rejection’ in sex – which this is not exactly – is not a rejection of the person. He may not like kissing, but he still loves you. Don’t mix the two things, please. You will just hurt yourself more. 

Go look for him

If nothing big is happening in your lives, find ways to rekindle the spark, find ways to bring back the affection – and ask him to. Holding, loving, kissing, cuddling – outside of sex – is very, very sweet and very fulfilling. Don’t be ‘conscious’ of what you do beta, even if you have to take small steps to show him what you mean when you look for affection , do it. Teach him a bit, in a nice, non- threatening way. And let’s see where this goes.

Come on Suhani – unless you have good , strong reason, don’t give up beta... woh tumhara apna hai, hai na... so go look for him! He may well be a little lost himself. Remember you both had love marriage! 

Auntyji is sponsored by DKT.

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Comments
Who can tell beta!! may be he is going through some phase - may be the intimacy has reduced for him - and may be he is just a different man - why don't you talk to him about it? How is your relationship faring otherwise? Are you both, ""over the affair"" These things can be very tricky and time consuming and of course, may change you both for ever. If you would like to join in on a further discussion on this topic, join our discussion board, "Just Ask” https://lovematters.in/en/forum
runa bhattacharjee
Sun, 02/24/2019 - 16:21
i wanted to ask auntyji...if your husband doesn't kiss you after he had an affair even though he is having SEX...what do you think is bothering him?
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