Auntyji Love Matters
Love Matters

How can I interest my wife in sex?

By Auntyji Tuesday, June 9, 2015 - 05:30
Auntyji, my wife is not really interested in sex. In fact, she is very distant with me. How can I convince her to have sex with me and be interested in me? Rahul (25), Baroda.

Auntyji says… Oh beta Rahul, this is a double whammy, so to say, but both aspects are very closely linked – almost two sides of the same coin. Let’s see how.

Pyaar mohabbat

You see, very plainly speaking, it’s very hard to have sex with someone you don’t much like. It’s not impossible, but difficult nonetheless. So let’s talk about the liking part...

Are you guys ok? Fighting? Disagreements? Has something drastically changed – got a new baby, a new pet...? What’s going on beta? Yeh pehele dekhna hoga.

The good news is, if that is the case, well, we can fix it. Once we know what it is! Beta, up front, good sex needs working at, and in a marriage it needs kum se kum thodi dosti, izzat and at least some mohabbat.

On the same track?

Beta, there is another thing, you see partners come together, they build a relationship and embark on a journey, saath saath. But one partner may pick up speed and the other begins to lag behind, not investing in themself, not growing together, not keeping up. You may then say, “Of course we have a terrible mix, don’t we?”

One on a jet plane, other on Janta mail... Bol radha bol sangam hoga ki nahin? Nahin! Kabhi nahin!

We really have to keep up with our partner’s growth, not become some sad left over person, complaining that s/he has changed. You might say, “I am the same person.” Why bhaaiii? Why are you the same person...? Why are you not evolving, changing, being more dynamic? Keep your core, absolutely, but don’t be a bore of yore!

Read more about relationship problems.

Some chat over chai?

What I like about you is that you want to change things and that shows you will try to change yourself too, right? So go on then, have a conversation, but not about sex!

Yep! Have a chat about what’s letting her down. Why is she far from you, what’s she missing, how can you correct it? Let her talk and hear her out. Without any defence!

Then fairly say what you are missing. Please, no sex talk yet. Say what you want and expect and ask her if she’s ready to invest in the same? Perhaps you may have to do a bit more, if she has some grouses. That’s fine too!

Beta, you both are investing in a life together, for your present and future, right? So work on it, don’t hold back. No room for ego here!

Sex no bar

Then the sex angle. A very legitimate question. Pose it. Ask her – a few days later perhaps – for all you know it may come up in the heart-to-heart anyways. Tell her how you miss your intimacy. Ask her why she is so off it?

Get ready for some “feedback” and that’s great because, again, you can fix it! Promise to try your best, improve your “performance”, and basically start anew. Ask her to say, without shame, what she likes. Ask what her expectations in sex are, make suggestions.

For everyone’s sake, get your act together too. Get info, get attitude and develop a style of pleasing your partner... This website is your manna, dude! Learn and develop! Sex, my dear, is very little about self pleasure. That’s masturbation. Sex is a lot about partnership – work on it! Invest!

Read about making love to him and her.

Impossible expectations

You know, I know someone closely, whose god awful husband would wake up and with the first cup of tea ask her, “So are we doing it tonight?” Didn’t last very long, that husband!

Tell me, if your partner were a boring, mean, dull boor, who only talks about sex, and has little to share or contribute in your everyday life, would you be “dying to have sex” with that creature? You have your answer, right?

Now go get started, you have a LOT of work to do, before you get to where you want to get!

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

Having troubles in your marriage? Leave a comment below or get in touch with Auntyji via Facebook.

Auntyji says… Oh beta Rahul, this is a double whammy, so to say, but both aspects are very closely linked – almost two sides of the same coin. Let’s see how.

Pyaar mohabbat

You see, very plainly speaking, it’s very hard to have sex with someone you don’t much like. It’s not impossible, but difficult nonetheless. So let’s talk about the liking part...

Are you guys ok? Fighting? Disagreements? Has something drastically changed – got a new baby, a new pet...? What’s going on beta? Yeh pehele dekhna hoga.

The good news is, if that is the case, well, we can fix it. Once we know what it is! Beta, up front, good sex needs working at, and in a marriage it needs kum se kum thodi dosti, izzat and at least some mohabbat.

On the same track?

Beta, there is another thing, you see partners come together, they build a relationship and embark on a journey, saath saath. But one partner may pick up speed and the other begins to lag behind, not investing in themself, not growing together, not keeping up. You may then say, “Of course we have a terrible mix, don’t we?”

One on a jet plane, other on Janta mail... Bol radha bol sangam hoga ki nahin? Nahin! Kabhi nahin!

We really have to keep up with our partner’s growth, not become some sad left over person, complaining that s/he has changed. You might say, “I am the same person.” Why bhaaiii? Why are you the same person...? Why are you not evolving, changing, being more dynamic? Keep your core, absolutely, but don’t be a bore of yore!

Read more about relationship problems.

Some chat over chai?

What I like about you is that you want to change things and that shows you will try to change yourself too, right? So go on then, have a conversation, but not about sex!

Yep! Have a chat about what’s letting her down. Why is she far from you, what’s she missing, how can you correct it? Let her talk and hear her out. Without any defence!

Then fairly say what you are missing. Please, no sex talk yet. Say what you want and expect and ask her if she’s ready to invest in the same? Perhaps you may have to do a bit more, if she has some grouses. That’s fine too!

Beta, you both are investing in a life together, for your present and future, right? So work on it, don’t hold back. No room for ego here!

Sex no bar

Then the sex angle. A very legitimate question. Pose it. Ask her – a few days later perhaps – for all you know it may come up in the heart-to-heart anyways. Tell her how you miss your intimacy. Ask her why she is so off it?

Get ready for some “feedback” and that’s great because, again, you can fix it! Promise to try your best, improve your “performance”, and basically start anew. Ask her to say, without shame, what she likes. Ask what her expectations in sex are, make suggestions.

For everyone’s sake, get your act together too. Get info, get attitude and develop a style of pleasing your partner... This website is your manna, dude! Learn and develop! Sex, my dear, is very little about self pleasure. That’s masturbation. Sex is a lot about partnership – work on it! Invest!

Read about making love to him and her.

Impossible expectations

You know, I know someone closely, whose god awful husband would wake up and with the first cup of tea ask her, “So are we doing it tonight?” Didn’t last very long, that husband!

Tell me, if your partner were a boring, mean, dull boor, who only talks about sex, and has little to share or contribute in your everyday life, would you be “dying to have sex” with that creature? You have your answer, right?

Now go get started, you have a LOT of work to do, before you get to where you want to get!

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.

Having troubles in your marriage? Leave a comment below or get in touch with Auntyji via Facebook.

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