Wedding night sex fear: Tips to overcome

Wedding night sex did not go well? Tips to help

Wedding-night stress about first-time sex is quite common. Men have this expectation to 'perform' well in bed while women fear the pain they may experience at the time of sex, thus leading to not so good experience for many couples. What can they do next? Let's talk about it in detail with an expert doctor.

Wedding-night stress about first-time sex can be enough to make the bridegroom’s erection droop and the bride’s vagina squeeze tight shut, says Dr Hussein Ghanem. Honeymoon impotence is more common in conservative societies the sexologist says. The young couples who come to his clinic have no previous sexual experience, the sexologist says, and hardly any knowledge about sex.


“They don’t even know what a normal sexual position is. So fear on the part of the wife and anxiety on the part of the husband can lead to a loss of erection.”

To make matters worse, the couple can feel like the whole family is breathing down their necks on their big night. “In certain societies, it becomes a big problem because families get involved and everyone wants to know whether the wedding night was successful or not.”


All this attention ramps up the pressure on the couple and can lead to a cycle of impotence. The more the guy is desperate to perform, the more his erection withers.

“We see it as a medical and social emergency and try to resolve it quickly before things get out of hand. It can be a reason for the marriage to be annulled,” says Dr Ghanem, who teaches at Cairo University.

When couples don’t manage to have penetrative sex on the first try, it’s usually either because the man fails to get an erection, or the woman gets vaginismus, says Dr Ghanem. This is when the vaginal muscles involuntarily contract because the woman is tense and scared. It locks the vagina so penetration just isn’t possible.


The problem is most common in countries where attitudes to sex are the most conservative. “In my practice in Egypt, eight per cent of the visitors to our centre have problems with honeymoon impotence,” Dr Ghanem says.

“A colleague in Saudi Arabia reported a figure of 17%. And another study from Turkey suggests that one-quarter of cases referred to sexual dysfunction clinic were about wedding night impotence.”


Luckily Dr Ghanem has had great success treating couples in this situation, he says.

The first step is education. “We show the couple illustrations of male and female genitals, and explain some easy sex positions, usually with the man on top.”

Mutual stimulation

After that, it’s about slowing things down and concentrating on lovemaking and pleasure, instead of obsessing about penetration.

“We advise them to stop trying intercourse for a couple of weeks. I suggest mutual stimulation – masturbating each other – and just introducing the glans or the penis at the entrance of the vagina.


“This relieves the anxiety on the part of the wife that she’s going to be subjected to a lot of pain. She can get used to the feeling of the penis. At the same time, it relieves the man’s performance anxiety, because an erection isn’t needed. This first step is just about pleasure and mutual stimulation.

“If it’s needed we prescribe an erection-enhancing medication. This in combination with the mutual stimulation works very well. In over 90% of our cases, honeymoon impotence is resolved in this way.”


There’s also help out there for women with vaginismus. “We can show her how to use a vaginal dilator. We start with a small size and teach her to increase the diameter of the dilator until she reaches a size close to the penis.

“There are also reports about doctors advising women to use a vibrator,” says Dr Ghanem. “They advise the wife to stimulate herself externally with the vibrator and then put it in her vagina herself, so she feels in control.

“The next step is to ask the husband to hold the vibrator while she’s holding his hand and controlling his movement. When she’s feeling confident enough, she’ll give her husband the vibrator and he can do the act himself. And then they can go ahead after that."

Evening to remember

Patience is the key, says Dr Ghanem. “If you try to rush things she’ll just get scared and involuntarily the muscles will contract.”

The same is true for men. Take your time. Talk about it. A few simple steps can turn your first-time fears into an evening you’ll remember with pleasure.

How was your first time? And if it's still to come, are you worried about it?  Share with Love Matters (LM) on our Facebook page. If you have a specific question, please ask LM experts on our discussion forum. We are also on Instagram, YouTube and Twitter. 

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It is very common Diya beti! Koi jaldi nahi hai! Apna pura time lo har baat ko achhe se samjho! Mentally, physically, aur emotionally bhi. Is website pe bahut see jaan kari de gayee hai use padh lo… aur us vyakti ka intezaar karo jo ki aapke is darr ko samjhe bhi aur mitane mein bhi madad kare. Hum humeshan yahan hai aapke liye. Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon!
Relax, Karan beta! Ling ka size badhane ya mota karne ka koi bhi tarika maujood nahi hai. Ling ki sahi jaankari yahan se hasil kijiye: Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon!
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