falling asleep after sex
Love Matters India

My boyfriend falls asleep right after sex!

By Auntyji Thursday, November 1, 2018 - 19:55
Aunty, every time my bf ejaculates, he falls asleep right after. He doesn’t bother to show any affection. I feel really uncomfortable. Please help! Poonam (26), Firozpur.

Auntyji saysOh ho matlab nikal gaya toh pehchantey nahin?  Betaji, maybe this song was made for boys like your boyfriend and BTW, there are plenty.

Let’s talk pillow talk

Of course, it is unnerving and uncomfortable. After the most intimate act, if a man ignores who is laying beside him, you would want to poke him and say, “Hey it’s me! Weren’t you yelling my name with a lot of excitement just a while ago? Do you even remember?”

Everyone loves some pillow talk even the firebrand feminist. Just like you secretly love the woman who lets you be you after sex. Don’t you guys like lying in bed with your legs splayed wide apart, airing your family jewels that may have now reached the size of a little nugget? Same thing, dude! Comfort, we all like it and we all want it, especially after sex. Samjhe puttar?

Too much or too less

Now the thing is, his idea of downtime may well be laying back, enjoying the feeling and soaking in it. And here you are, whispering sweet nothings, asking questions, calling him lovely names while he has zoned out. You see the gadbad here, right? Hun ki kariye?

There is only one way out and that is to talk this through – before you begin sex, not whilst you are at it or after. Make him a cup of coffee and tell him how you feel, beta Poonam. State clearly that it makes you feel alienated and rejected.

Many times women feel that sex is something that shouldn’t stop. They expect that there must be more to come. Tell him that it’s a very small investment in keeping your relationship well-groomed.

The problem is the balance between what you want and what he does.

No soliloquy, please

Beta Poonam, appease him. It is not a declamation – which has to continue all night long. It just means few intimate exchange of words, a lot of praising and appreciation and some hand-holding and hugging. Basically, keeping it romantic and sweet.

It is a sort of a crescendo after a great rendition of a musical feat. Talk to him Poonam beta and tell him it is okay for men to be sweet, silly and senti (you know what I mean). In fact, it is super lovely and charming to share these moments of intimacy. It will bring you closer to him.

It’s just like how he is so attentive while giving you pleasure. This is just the same thing. It is complementing your pleasure. Be it by a big hug, with few words of love or just some more acts of intimacy. Just get your balance right.

Performance appraisal

Beta, humour can make your situation better too. Few naughty words or phrases that prompt a smile or a hug. To share a funny story with you, another reader from our group said that her bf can’t shut up after sex. He always asks, “So how was it for you? Did you come big or small? Did you enjoy this or that?”

To his partner, it feels like giving him a report card on his performance. So while he is framing his objective and questionnaire, she quickly goes to the bathroom, washes herself up and only comes back via kitchen with a cup of calming tea. Hahahaha! Smart one, right?

This article was first published on August 17, 2016. 

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

Do you feel intimate or tired after sex? Write your thoughts via comments or share them on Facebook. If you have a question, visit our discussion forum.  

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Comments
Beta sex ki ichchha hona bohot hi common hai par hum aapki ismein koi sahayata nahi kar sakte! Lekin aap hastmethun try kar saktay hain kyunki Hastmaithun ek safe /surakshit tareeka hai apni santushti karne ka. https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/men-masturbating Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Jee nahi bete hastmaithun ka ling ke size par koi bura asar nahi hota hai. Hastmaithun ek safe /surakshit tareeka hai apni santushti karne ka. Isse koi nuksaan ya beemari nahin hoti. Yeh bhee padhiye: https://lovematters.in/hi/resource/men-masturbating https://lovematters.in/hi/our-bodies/is-masturbation-unhealthy Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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