Fake orgasm
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Faking orgasms: how can she tell him?

“Let me confess,” this friend told me recently, “I’ve been faking orgasms with this guy. Am I doing something horribly wrong? Help me!”

Vicious cycle

My friend met this guy at a birthday party a few weeks ago. “It seemed like love at first sight. We hit it off right away,” she told me. One thing led to another and they’ve been ‘fooling around’ on a regular basis ever since.

“But not everything is going as I’d like,” my friend complained. “I haven’t had an orgasm with him and to make things less awkward I’ve been faking it the past few times. But now, it’s become a vicious cycle. Since I’ve been faking orgasms, I can’t really let him know how to make me come,” she said.

Poor girl! My sympathies. But for all those of you reading this, there’s a lesson to be learned here. Obviously, it’s not a good idea to fake an orgasm. It’s just like any other lie – you might need a thousand more to keep it going.

Honesty, the best policy?

So what was her plan now? Was she going to be honest and let her lover know that she was faking it?

“Phew! No way. Are you crazy? I just met him and things are going great otherwise. It would really break all trust between us,” my friend said. But he would find out at some point. If he’s sharp enough, he probably already knows that she’s lying.

“No! I am a good actor,” my friend joked, “He wouldn’t know. Look, honesty isn’t always the best policy. Sometimes it’s okay to lie, especially if it’s in everyone’s interest.”

‘Tactful’ training

I was iffy about her approach. How could she decide what was in his best interest? Maybe he’d like to know that he isn’t satisfying her. “Well, he needn’t know now. It would be a blow to his self-esteem. Trust me, I am doing him a favour,” my friend defended herself.

Alright, I got the picture. She didn’t want my advice. She just needed to hear from me that she wasn’t a sinner. What I was most interested in knowing – how did she plan to have a happy sex life with her guy? Clearly she wasn’t satisfied, but she had to let him know somehow if she wanted to have orgasms once again!

“I have to be tactful. I’m going to have to train him towards that without him noticing it! I should make sure he stays confident as he is now and willing to go an extra mile to see me happy. It might take a while, but it will happen,” she said confidently.

Well, I asked her to let me know when she has her first orgasm with this guy. I ought to know if her ‘tactful’ training worked!

The views expressed in our blogs don’t necessarily represent those of Love Matters.

Have you ever faked an orgasm? Could you spot a fake? How would you advise Gayatri's friend? Head for our forum and let's talk.

Gayatri Parameswaran is a multi-award winning writer, director and producer of immersive media works. She was born and raised in India and is currently based in Berlin, where she co-founded NowHere Media - a storytelling studio that views contemporary issues through a critical lens. She also edited the Love Matters website in its initial years. Check out more about her here.

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