That’s good news for those who don’t climax as often as they’d like. Reaching orgasm isn’t just about the mechanics of how your partner makes love to you. What matters more is focusing your attention on thinking and feeling sexy.
Difficulty reaching orgasm is one of the most common sexual problems, so one group of French researchers set out to study the differences between women who enjoy regular orgasms and those who wish they did.
The researchers asked 251 women to answer survey questions on whether they had orgasms while masturbating or having sex, what they did to stimulate themselves, and what kind of emotions and thoughts were involved. Then they compared the findings for the two groups of women.
Thirty percent were anorgasmic – try as they may, they couldn’t climax when they masturbated or had sex. What they were, or weren’t, thinking about really made a difference, the findings showed.
Focusing on the moment
Erotic thoughts were the most common things running through all of the participants’ minds when they masturbated, but far more orgasmic women thought sexy thoughts during sex with their partner compared to those who couldn’t climax. They were also way more focused on pleasurable bodily sensations.
Paying close attention to their bodies during sex could be one of the keys women need to getting aroused and reaching orgasm, the study showed. It’s also important for women to stay in the present moment instead of letting their mind wander, especially to distracting negative thoughts about things like performance and body image.
Another difference between the two groups of women was emotional. Orgasmic participants got a lot more pleasure out of sex and were less distressed than those who had trouble climaxing. That makes sense since fretting about intercourse and perceiving one’s partner as a threat instead of focusing on pleasure can clearly be a major obstacle to getting aroused.
But it wasn’t just thoughts and feelings that differed between women able to have orgasms and those who couldn’t. The orgasmic women were much more adventurous in bed, the study found. They were comfortable experimenting with different sexual acts, and engaged in everything from clitoral stimulation during intercourse to touching their nipples while they masturbated.
So if you’re having trouble reaching orgasm, the researchers say, learning to focus all your attention on erotic thoughts, feelings and fantasies during sex is the first step on the road to ecstasy.