Are guidelines in relationship necesssary?
Ana Blazic Pavlovic

Setting boundaries for a better relationship?

By Nehaa Singh Khamboj Wednesday, March 22, 2017 - 10:25
Does setting boundaries help in building trust? We asked some young Indians what limits they set for their partners in a relationship. Read their responses…

‘No sharing of body parts’

I really haven’t set any boundaries in my relationship. Isn’t it understood? Don’t sleep around with other people. It is really that simple! What’s the point of being in a relationship if you have to set boundaries for each other?

I mean openly forbidding your partner to not cheat or setting rules might hinder your relationship and push him or her to cheat. My condition is that my man’s eyes, and every other part of his body, are only for me. The moment he starts sharing it with another woman, I’m out of the door.

Shaina Lal* (22), advertising student.

‘Rules effective post 7 pm’

After I got into the world of fashion, my girlfriend decided to set some guidelines in our relationship. Cheating, or what she considered cheating, was of course the highlight of it. Sleeping around was obviously a big no. Anything that could lead to sex with a co-worker or any other woman also fell into the purview of cheating.

For example, not allowed alone to a female co-worker’s home and not allowed to drop a female colleague alone especially after 7 pm. In case of an exception, I had to call her and let her know.
It did seem stifling in the beginning but the truth of the matter is that I could never cheat on my girlfriend. With time, her questioning stopped and she relaxed her rules as well.

Deepak Bhojwani* (23), intern at a fashion export house.

‘Reasonable affair’

Yes, I have set boundaries in my relationship with my girlfriend. Of course sex with anyone else is off the table. Kissing, excessive physical contact or sharing our personal issues with another person is also considered as cheating in my book.

 

It makes sense to me to set the record straight in the beginning. I feel I can avoid a lot of pain and suffering if my partner is aware of what I consider cheating. Of course, it works both ways. If she has things that she doesn’t want me doing then I’m willing to accommodate, provided it is reasonable.

Summer Singh* (20), student.

‘Universal codes of relationship’

If you’re getting into a relationship then you’re expected to follow the universal code of not betraying your partner. Of course, the definition of cheating is different for different people. Sometimes people are willing to pardon a one-night stand or even a hidden affair but may not forgive some plain old fashioned flirting.

Also, it is tough to say what constitutes cheating. For me, it is what your gut says at the time and I’ve always gone by that. Putting conditions in a relationship, even if it is about cheating, is not my cup of tea.

Dennis Braganza* (25), BPO employee.

‘Virtual cheating’

Yes, I have now come up with a set of guidelines for my future relationship. My first boyfriend was dating someone else along with me. I dumped him the second I found out.

My second relationship was a bit more complicated. He was a huge virtual reality freak. He was part of virtual reality games. I once caught his onscreen avatar making out with another girl. He reasoned that it wasn’t cheating because he wasn’t physically involved. Then I found out that he was hooking up with girls in chat rooms and indulging in cybersex.

That was it! I don’t want to be in a relationship with anyone who cheats in the real world as well as any other!

Innika Sharma* (25), is a sous chef.

‘Choose one’

My ex-boyfriend had a friend who would call him up at all odd hours and expect him to just leave everything and be by her side. At first, I let it be. But this ‘turning-to-him-for-everything’ became too much for me to bear.

Once, my ex-boyfriend and I were making love and she called and asked him to come immediately. It wasn’t like she was dying but he got up and left, leaving me astonished and waiting for him to return.

That was it. For me, this was akin to cheating. I broke up with him and now I’ll make sure that my guy doesn’t come with any clingy attachments.

Sana Rizvi* (22), make-up artist.

*All names have been changed to protect the privacy of our readers.

This article was first published on 9th October, 2015. 

Do you have more guidelines from your relationship? Let us know via comments or Facebook.

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