Auntyji says… chalo bhai we have found the one thing that freaks out the average Indian male – erectile dysfunction. Now erectile dysfunction, simply put, is the inability to get or maintain any sort of erection before or during sexual activity, and needs to be looked at by a doctor. What you’re suffering suffering from, phases of lesser erections – kabhi haan, kabhi na types – could be due to so many other reasons. Let’s discuss a few…
Beta Sushil, let’s begin from the beginning. “It’s so embarrassing!” You have said it two times in four sentences, so first you better try and get over that. If it makes you so ashamed of yourself, it means a few things to me.
The first one – is your identity defined by how many times the flag is hoisted in a day? Not any country flag o jhaleya! Is your identity “Susheel Joshi – Erection intact”? Hopefully not! So get over the “so embarrassing” “it’s not happening” rut. It’s ok, it’s a phase, chill jee.
Now, while alcohol may increase desire, it is known to reduce performance. Are you getting a bit too much of the tipple? Responsible drinking is acceptable, but if it is over the top it may be impacting your performance in various ways.
Saath hee hai, smoking, oh ho terrible habit that, and has an effect on maintaining erections. And by the way, smokers, if your partners are still making out with you despite this habit, they must really be into you. It’s not very charming to kiss a mouth that smells of Davidoffs or Milds!
Now jee Sushil, do you suffer any kind of medical problems? Diabetes? Depression? Any dawa you are on? Ok then, what about tiredness? Fatigue? Just plain exhaustion? All good enough causes for nothing staying up – all laying down ji! Jab banda hee erect nahin ho sakta toh what will a body part do, hain?
Thoda lifestyle change karna hoga beta. Come on, you can do it! Get out those walking shoes, grab your partner and off you both go for a walk and a small run. Maybe get a yoga instructor, maybe grab a film once in a while and definitely make a date night! Just talk about fun things and people – chote mote pleasures... host a party, socialise, hain jee? There’s a lot to look forward to beta... not just be overwhelmed by this occasional occurrence.
But beta, the biggest sex buster could be your relationship. If you are doing well there, then things will improve dramatically but if your relationship is going through some roller coaster moments, this is bound to happen.
So do an inventory check – are you both happy? Is everything pleasant? How are you connecting? For sure this must be a cause of some tension. How are you handling it? Are you being forever “embarrassed” or are you not bothered or for fear of not being able to get it up, you are avoiding sex and intimacy... does any of this sound familiar?
Heaps of homework
So what you need to do is relax and get over the shame. It’s awkward no doubt, but it is also a circle, I tell you. You are anxious that you won’t be able to do it and this anxiety causes further dysfunction. It happens again, it gets confirmed, you get anxious again and the cycle continues. So this cycle needs to be broken at once.
Next thing: your partner is a key player. If they are running you down, making you feel worse, making exasperated noises, that is not going to help the situation at all. So lovers of downers, pick yourself up and get your act together. Your man needs your support and vote, not your jabs and taunts!
Intimacy is the key and that definitely does not mean sex. Sex may or may not happen, worry not! You must enjoy some moments of togetherness, sweetness, laughter, thode tears, even small gila shikva. Some fun food, some films, some tareef of each other will go a long way in bringing you close and most importantly reducing your anxiety and worry. So, yes, you have a lot to do. So ho jao shuru and band karo yeh mayoosi!
To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.
This article was first published on August 19, 2014.
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