Loving couple share a juice
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How do you know your relationship is the right one?

The right relationship should be smooth sailing from the get go. If it takes a lot of work, that’s a sign it might be time to call it quits. If he or she feels like a friend, it's worth your while to keep working on it.

Some people say that when they met their partner, they knew he or she was the one. But for the rest of us, figuring out whether the relationship we’re in is right can be a little bit trickier.

We may be madly in love with our partner but never feel like we can be ourselves around them. Or everything might seem perfect, on paper. Maybe we have common life goals and interests and come from the same backgrounds, but when it comes down to it, the passion just isn’t there.

How do you know if a relationship is worth investing in? Love Matters asked relationship expert Dr Pepper Schwartz of the University of Washington. The celebrity professor shared tips from her research on extremely happy couples around the world and advice on how to know if your relationship is a keeper.

LM: What makes adolescents extremely happy in a relationship?

Dr PS: I think the basis of any happiness is liking yourself. And it’s a lot harder to like yourself when you’re young – all you see are your imperfections, all you see is what seems intimidating or better in other people than in yourself. It’s a rare young person who says, “I’m wonderful and I know it.”

 

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LM: What are the most important things happy couples do?

Dr PS: The affectionate behaviours really matter, the small ones, saying, “I love you”, the compliments, saying, “you’re pretty”, “you’re handsome”, the cuddling, putting your arm around, just holding hands, even if you can only do it in private. All those little things are really important in terms of happiness in a good relationship.

And talking about things, feeling free to say what’s really on your mind. The extent that you can talk about your feelings and the other person likes that, even if it’s to say, “I don’t know how I feel about this,” just to be honest like that. I think that’s really, really important.

LM: Do you have any advice on how to keep a relationship going?

Dr PS: I would say if you can’t keep it going easily, it’s not worth it. A relationship shouldn’t feel like you’re pushing it uphill, that you’re always doing a dance of one sort or another. Is this good enough? Is that good enough? Did I say the right thing? The right relationship is pretty easy, that’s why it’s right.

So if somebody is critical of you, or if you never know from one day to another if they care about you, this is a good sign to get out of there. You want somebody who feels just like you do, that it’s a good thing to be with you. So if you are working hard, that’s your signal not to be there.

The lucky people will have a boyfriend or a girlfriend that’s a true friend, and they can talk to them and won’t want to hurt them. If someone doesn’t care about the consequences of their actions towards you, male or female, that’s not your friend.

I think the easy guideline is to ask, “Would I do this to a friend? Would a friend do this to me?” If it doesn’t fit those guidelines, it’s not a good relationship. If it does, that’s one to invest in and to deepen.

What's more important - putting the effort in to make a relationship work, or knowing when to cut your losses? Leave a comment below or tell us on Facebook.

 

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Comments
my name is junaid
Fri, 09/23/2016 - 15:43
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Yeh MAAHAN idea kahan se aaya aapko? Actually aap logon ko shayad lagta ho ki kyunki yeh sab cheezein porn filmon mein bahut common hai aur shayad aapki sister aapke aas paas hee hain, toh unhi se kar liya jaye!! Yeh vahiyaat idea apne mann se nikaal deejiye aur yeh jaan lijiye ki sirf ki yeh ek ghinoni harkat hai jo ki aapki sister ke poori zindagi pe asar kar saktee hai, saath hee apka rishta wbane nahin hain, yeh toh aap bhi jaante hi hain!! Apna chintan swasth karo!! https://lovematters.in/en/news/i-am-attracted-my-sister Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain toh hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil hon! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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rahul saini
Sun, 03/08/2020 - 06:41
meri gf se me bahut pyaar krta hu but usne ak bf or bana rakha h wo kahti h ki wo hum dono se pyar krti h humare bhi sabkuch ho chuka h wo ab bhi mana ni krti kisi chij ke lia but uska dusra bf rakhna mujhe pasand ni me kya kru
Ek minit Rahul Puttar, Ye kya baat hui? Wo aapke saath bhee hain aur dusre ke saath bhee. Aapko bhi ek haath mein aur doosre BF ko bhi – yeh kaun sa pyaar hai beta? Kya aapko lagta hai ki is rishte ka koi bhavishya hai? Wo aapke saath saath kisi aur ke saath bhee rahte hai. Kya aapko ye thik lagata hai? Please har tarah se vichaar kijiye aur ek sahi nirnay lijiye. Theek hai bête! Ise bhee pdhiye: https://lovematters.in/en/resource/love-and-relationships Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare disccsion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
Mera ur meri gf ka relationship pichle 10 sal se tha bhut bar jhgde bhi hue pr sb thik ho jata hmesha pr pichle 5 months se meri gf kisi ldke se bt krne lgi chupkr ur ab wo usse shyd love bhi krne lgi h bt kre bina rh nhi pa rhi ,bhut tklife hui mujhe roya pyr me gidgida chuka pr wo usse bt Krna bnd nhi ki h pr ab jb maine khud ko smjhaya ki usse khush rhne du us ldke ke sath tb wo mujhe fir kh rhi h ki wo mujhe abhi bhi love krti h ,ur jo nye ldke se bt krne ki adat lgi h wo us nye ldkeko tklif ma ho ur sb phle ki tarah thik ho jaye aisa kh rhi h , mai abhi bhi ldki se pyr krta hu mujhe kuch smjh nhi aa rha h kya kru plz shi rasta bta dijiye
Ek minit Puttar, Ye kya baat hui? Wo aapke saath bhee hain aur dusre ke saath bhee. Aapko bhi ek haath mein aur doosre BF ko bhi – yeh kaun sa pyaar hai beta - aur wo bhi aapke rone aur gidgidane ke baad? Aur kya aap un par fir se vishwas kar payenge?? Kya aapko lagta hai ki is rishte ka koi bhavishya hai? Wo aapke saath saath kisi aur ke saath bhee rahte hai. Kya aapko ye thik lagata hai? Please har tarah se vichaar kijiye aur ek sahi nirnay lijiye. Theek hai bête! Ise bhee pdhiye: https://lovematters.in/en/resource/love-and-relationships Yadi aap is mudde par humse aur gehri charcha mein judna chahte hain to hamare discussion board “Just Poocho” mein zaroor shamil ho! https://lovematters.in/en/forum
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