Auntyji says... Santosh puttar, very topical question ji. And I think one that you already know the answer to you. Correct me if I am wrong, but you are feeling guilty because you know what you are doing is not right. But if you are really not very sure, then read on.
Two adults
In my Baptist school, I was taught from the good book that "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart". But things have changed since then.
There are many factors in play, two especially crucial ones. How aware your wife is of your antics and how much does she condone them. Now we are all grow ups here and as long as two adults in relationship consent to any xyz activity, it shouldn't be considered wrong or immoral. Jab miya biwi raazi, to kya karega kaazi. No?
Disloyal
Remember that full disclosure, especially in the matters of the bed, is key for a successful relationship. So while simply hiding these aspects of your sex life does not amount to adultery, it doesn't get Aunty's approval.
If you really want my advice, watching pornography secretly, without telling your wife, is not so much as cheating but more insulting your partner. There is a reason that you are doing it chupke chupke, hidden from wife. Maybe it's not cheating, but will be considered being disloyal.
Deluding
Now indulging in internet sex is cheating on your partner, plain and simple. And definitely doesn't help that you have a 'regular' cybersex partner too. You may deny any emotional connect with her, but stop deluding yourself. After all you are turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship.
Of course my nani famously declared that a marriage where the man uses his hands on himself is doomed, but the situation is out of your hands now. Yes, pun intended. You might think it’s a victimless crime where nobody gets hurts.
But, for a change, place yourself in your wife's sandals. Just imagine if she was in an online relationship as well. Visualise your anger at this revelation and now feel guilty for your behaviour.
Consensual
I am no prude, and I know that for your generation, it just might be impossible to avoid porn. Also I don't want to get into a discussion whether pornography is inevitable to male existence or whether it's demeaning to female existence.
But something that was true in my times is true today as well. In a relationship, certain lines have to be drawn, unless your name in Charlie Sheen. And even his wife dumped him.
You can see where I am going with this. sexual fantasies is good, in fact great. Props up and peppers any Relationship, but only when it's consensual.
Conversation
And Santosh, one last thought for you. Does porn/online sex intrude in your real world relationship? If it does or if it is reaching the state of addiction, then my dear boy, the situation in serious and maybe you need some serious help. You need to choose between wifi and wife.
Now this wouldn't be an easy conversation. Even an entire bottle of roohafaza will not calm down the situation. But don't delay the inevitable. Many people consider watching porn as cheating, but I don't think it's that simple. Think long and hard about the state of your marriage, what’s really going wrong and then talk with your wife about if and how can you make up for your behaviour.
Auntyji says... Santosh puttar, very topical question ji. And I think one that you already know the answer to you. Correct me if I am wrong, but you are feeling guilty because you know what you are doing is not right. But if you are really not very sure, then read on.
Two adults
In my Baptist school, I was taught from the good book that "anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery in his heart". But things have changed since then.
There are many factors in play, two especially crucial ones. How aware your wife is of your antics and how much does she condone them. Now we are all grow ups here and as long as two adults in relationship consent to any xyz activity, it shouldn't be considered wrong or immoral. Jab miya biwi raazi, to kya karega kaazi. No?
Disloyal
Remember that full disclosure, especially in the matters of the bed, is key for a successful relationship. So while simply hiding these aspects of your sex life does not amount to adultery, it doesn't get Aunty's approval.
If you really want my advice, watching pornography secretly, without telling your wife, is not so much as cheating but more insulting your partner. There is a reason that you are doing it chupke chupke, hidden from wife. Maybe it's not cheating, but will be considered being disloyal.
Deluding
Now indulging in internet sex is cheating on your partner, plain and simple. And definitely doesn't help that you have a 'regular' cybersex partner too. You may deny any emotional connect with her, but stop deluding yourself. After all you are turning outside of your relationship to meet a need that should be met within the relationship.
Of course my nani famously declared that a marriage where the man uses his hands on himself is doomed, but the situation is out of your hands now. Yes, pun intended. You might think it’s a victimless crime where nobody gets hurts.
But, for a change, place yourself in your wife's sandals. Just imagine if she was in an online relationship as well. Visualise your anger at this revelation and now feel guilty for your behaviour.
Consensual
I am no prude, and I know that for your generation, it just might be impossible to avoid porn. Also I don't want to get into a discussion whether pornography is inevitable to male existence or whether it's demeaning to female existence.
But something that was true in my times is true today as well. In a relationship, certain lines have to be drawn, unless your name in Charlie Sheen. And even his wife dumped him.
You can see where I am going with this. sexual fantasies is good, in fact great. Props up and peppers any Relationship, but only when it's consensual.
Conversation
And Santosh, one last thought for you. Does porn/online sex intrude in your real world relationship? If it does or if it is reaching the state of addiction, then my dear boy, the situation in serious and maybe you need some serious help. You need to choose between wifi and wife.
Now this wouldn't be an easy conversation. Even an entire bottle of roohafaza will not calm down the situation. But don't delay the inevitable. Many people consider watching porn as cheating, but I don't think it's that simple. Think long and hard about the state of your marriage, what’s really going wrong and then talk with your wife about if and how can you make up for your behaviour.