Myth 1: There’s only one right way to orgasm and that’s intercourse
Many people believe that orgasms can and must be reached only through penetrative sex. But that’s not true at all. Orgasms can be reached through masturbation, oral sex or with the help of sex toys.
Myth 2: You must orgasm every time you have sex
A study in the UK found that one third of the women who took part in a survey never or hardly ever reach an orgasm during intercourse – and that's the figure other studies have also come up with. In fact, more women reached an orgasm more easily by masturbating.
So if you don’t come during intercourse, it doesn’t mean you’re ‘frigid’ or that there’s something wrong with you – in fact, it’s quite normal! With men the numbers are much lower though – only two percent who were part of the same survey said they didn’t come during intercourse.
Myth 3: If a woman doesn’t come, it’s the man’s fault
In a heterosexual relationship, there’s a lot of onus on the man to make sure his partner reaches an orgasm every time they have sex. But whether a woman reaches climax or not is not solely the man’s responsibility. Of course, the man can help, but it’s also up to the woman to let the man know what she likes and dislikes.
Myth 4: Women don’t ejaculate
You might be surprised that women can squirt when they orgasm! In fact there are a couple of ways in which women can ‘ejaculate’ during orgasm. It can be a milky spurt a bit like a guy, or a huge a watery gush! There’s an African lovemaking technique called kunyaza which is supposed to guarantee a squirting orgasm.
Read more about squirting orgasms and kunyaza.
Myth 5: Men always ejaculate when they come
This isn’t true either. Have you heard of dry orgasms or orgasms that aren’t accompanied by ejaculation? Although not very common, some men experience dry orgasms for different reasons.
Firstly, if you’ve had a lot of orgasms in a row, your glands might just run out of seminal fluid. So when you have your next orgasm you might not ejaculate because your body has run out of semen!
Secondly, some men experience ‘retrogade’ ejaculation when the semen enters the urinary bladder instead of releasing itself through the penis. If you have a dry orgasm and your urine is cloudy after sex, it’s perhaps because you’re experiencing retrogade ejaculation. Don’t worry, it can be corrected – just visit your urologist.
And yet another reason why a man could experience dry orgasm is when he’s been through a prostate surgery or radiotherapy.
Myth 6: Orgasms are easy!
Hell no! Whether you’re a man or a woman, orgasms need time and effort. Yep, that’s right. It can’t be reached with the swoosh of a magic wand! Porn films might give you an idea that sex leads to one orgasm after another (especially for women) with relative ease – but that’s just great acting! So relax, engage in a lot of foreplay and just enjoy sex.
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Gayatri Parameswaran is a multi-award winning writer, director and producer of immersive media works. She was born and raised in India and is currently based in Berlin, where she co-founded NowHere Media - a storytelling studio that views contemporary issues through a critical lens. She also edited the Love Matters website in its initial years. Check out more about her here.