Weird things boys do with their penises...
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Weird things boys do with their penises...

By Steve Korver Thursday, February 28, 2013 - 19:56
Some of the silly things males do with their penises: injecting with olive oil, grilling with mushrooms, humping ambulances... No wonder there are regular outbreaks of ‘penis panic’. These news flashes and more in this edition of ‘Sex in the Press.’

Ambulance chaser

The headline ‘Drunk man tried to have sex with an ambulance’ serves as an excellent example of some of the incredibly strange things men do with their penises.

“He was first spotted setting fire to a packet of peanuts inside a phone box before mounting the ambulance,” the article states.Not to be judgemental, but how nuts is that?

A chef with balls

Genital-cooking Japan man handed to prosecutors’ tells the story of a young Japanese graphic designer who got his penis, testicles and scrotum surgically removed so he could cook and serve them. Five diners paid top dollar to indulge in these bite-sized nibbles garnished with button mushrooms and parsley. In a country with no anti-cannibalism laws, the chef was eventually charged with indecent exposure.The man, claiming to be asexual, said his dinner was meant to raise awareness for sexual minorities.Not to be judgemental, but it seems unlikely that he helped the cause.

DIY penis enlargement

Disclaimer: a Mediterranean diet won’t enlarge your penis. ‘Man loses penis in oil experiment’ covers the story of a Thai man who tried to enlarge his penis by injecting it with olive oil. The penis did indeed swell “to the size of a coconut” but this was due to a cancerous infection.

The penis was subsequently removed. “Hospitals in Bangkok report more than 40 visits a month from people who have injected beeswax and paraffin to increase the size of their penis,” according to another article.Penis self-injections are a global phenomenon.

For example, using dirty needles to spurt Vaseline into one’s penis is a “popular procedure in prisons”, according to the scholarly paper 'Hungarian "Jailhouse Rock": Incidence and morbidity of Vaseline self-injection of the penis'. Of the 1,905 respondents, 15.7% admitted to Vaseline self-injection. A quarter of these users experienced complications, including necrosis. A full half was actually satisfied with the results. The study suggests that peer pressure plays a strong role in motivating someone into becoming an injector. Not to be judgemental, but !?!?.

Penis panic

Mass hysteria seems to be the driving factor behind koro – otherwise known as “genital retraction syndrome”. Victims of this psychiatric condition believe that their penis is shrinking and once it disappears they will die. To save themselves, they use tape, rope, clamps, spikes and/or weights to make sure their penis stays outside of their body – and it’s these actions that cause the actual harm.The most famous mass outbreak of koro became the subject of the delightfully-titled book The Great Singapore Penis Panic.

Taking place in 1967, it involved hundreds, if not thousands, of cases – including a dozen women who thought their breasts were shrinking.“Chinese culture has long acknowledged that the penis can shrink away under certain states of ill health. [...] The Oriental belief that the penis can shrink away has recently sprung up, quite independently, in the Western drug culture. Intravenous amphetamine abusers have acquired the belief that too much ‘crank’, can shrivel the penis away.

This is the much dreaded, ‘Whizz-dick’,” according to blogger Dr Scott D Mendelson.Koro has also occurred elsewhere in Asia, and across Africa and Europe. It generally involves sub-populations that are poorly educated and living in times of radical change and economic threat.Not to be judgemental, but you have been warned.

Next week: Deeply odd things women do with their vaginas.

What strange things have you done with your penis? Or do you have a hot news story you want to share? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below or by joining the discussion on Facebook.

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