Arranged Marriages: Do’s and Don’ts

Do...

• Get to know your spouse well
  Marriage is a long-term partnership between two people. Even if your family and relatives agree to the proposal, you need to know your would-be spouse well. Spare some time alone with them to get to know them better. Try going out on dates to talk and to develop a stronger emotional connect.

• Be realistic
  If you dislike things or habits that aren't of great importance to them, you could expect them to change their behaviour on those specific issues. But you cannot expect them to change their personality or themselves entirely. Also be aware that no marriage – arranged or love – is always a fairy tale. It could be a bumpy ride, but the most important thing is to enjoy being together and helping each other through all the highs and lows. Do you see that happening with this person?

• Sort out the finances
  Will your spouse be working? If not, would you be able to support them? Are you expecting a contribution to the family expenses? Discuss the finances right away. Also, talk about the tasks you might have to take up for the family after marriage.

• Be patient
  After having considered all pros and cons if you decide to tie the knot, you will need to patiently work on building a strong relationship. It is possible that the chemistry takes a while to develop. Relax, give it time and just enjoy each other's company. Studies suggest that love and intimacy grows with time in arranged marriages.

Don't...

• Act under pressure
  Societal expectations may be adding pressure to your situation. Do not make a hasty decision or decide who your partner will be without thinking it through. Discuss your prospects with your friends or people you trust. Remember that arranged marriages are not forced marriages. If your parents think otherwise, try discussing your reservations and reasoning things out with them.

• Be dishonest
  To build a successful marriage, you need honesty and commitment. Never lie about your social and financial status or past with your partner. It could create several problems in the future. Lying paves the way for suspicion and betrayal and is harmful for a healthy marital life.

• Encroach on personal space
  Once you’re together, give your spouse some time and space to open up. Do not misinterpret their silence or shyness for disinterest. Try to create a safe space for both of you to share your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge what they share with you and appreciate them consistently. Supporting and being open with each other will leave less room for misunderstanding.

• Shy away from taking advice
  Feel free to take advice from those who might be able to guide you. Sometimes talking to someone with a lot of experience or with a different perspective about the situation can help. 

This article was first published on 15th September 2015. 

Do you have more tips to share with our readers interested in an arranged marriage? Write to us on our discussion forum or comment on Facebook.