He doesn’t turn me on any more – so what?

Anu (name changed) is a 28-year-old event manager.

Anu's friends are shocked. They see mutual attraction as a relationship deal breaker.

Big deal?When I told my friends that I was not attracted to S anymore they made a really big deal of it and were convinced that I should end the relationship. But I don't think this is a good enough reason to throw away a five-year relationship.

I’ve gone through phases like this earlier and I’m sure he has gone through them as well. Lets be honest, things are never constantly hot and exciting in long-term relationships.

SettlingWhat p***** me off about this situation is the way my friends have reacted to it. They think I’m suffering from low self esteem or something and that's why I’m ‘settling’ for S. Since the time I told them that I’m not breaking up they’ve been telling me all kinds of cliqued stuff like “don’t sell yourself short”, “you deserve to be with someone who turns you on” etc.

But I don’t think a perfect relationship or a perfect boyfriend even exists. Should I leave a good relationship to wait for someone who will get a perfect score on some kind of a checklist.Hot body? Check. Sensitive? Check. Turns me on all the time? Check.Really!

What’s wrong with getting comfortable?Yes, I might not be incredibly turned on by S these days but that doesn't mean I don’t love him anymore or that he isn’t a great boyfriend. We have a lot of fun together, we enjoy the same things, we respect each other’s space and we want to be with each other.

Basically my friends think I don't want to get out of it because I’ve got used to being with him. I don’t see what’s wrong with getting comfortable with a person, why does it instantly mean that I’m not fulfilling my potential.

Does being in my late-twenties mean I have to constantly run after an ‘exciting life’ where if I’m not in a constant state of arousal around my boyfriend then I’m settling? I’m not ashamed to say that I want emotional stability in my personal life.

What has changed?S looks exactly the same as he did 5 years ago and I used to find him hot then, I enjoy being with him, I’m not attracted to anyone else, so I don’t really know what has changed. I don’t know why I’m suddenly not attracted to him but it doesn’t bother me too much. Why should it?

After all anyone who has been in a relationship for five years can tell you how often most couples get it on anyway. Once a month…maybe…if you’re lucky. So why are we supposed to be attracted to each other all the time?

Anu (name changed) is a 28-year-old event manager.

Anu's friends are shocked. They see mutual attraction as a relationship deal breaker.

Big deal?When I told my friends that I was not attracted to S anymore they made a really big deal of it and were convinced that I should end the relationship. But I don't think this is a good enough reason to throw away a five-year relationship.

I’ve gone through phases like this earlier and I’m sure he has gone through them as well. Lets be honest, things are never constantly hot and exciting in long-term relationships.

SettlingWhat p***** me off about this situation is the way my friends have reacted to it. They think I’m suffering from low self esteem or something and that's why I’m ‘settling’ for S. Since the time I told them that I’m not breaking up they’ve been telling me all kinds of cliqued stuff like “don’t sell yourself short”, “you deserve to be with someone who turns you on” etc.

But I don’t think a perfect relationship or a perfect boyfriend even exists. Should I leave a good relationship to wait for someone who will get a perfect score on some kind of a checklist.Hot body? Check. Sensitive? Check. Turns me on all the time? Check.Really!

What’s wrong with getting comfortable?Yes, I might not be incredibly turned on by S these days but that doesn't mean I don’t love him anymore or that he isn’t a great boyfriend. We have a lot of fun together, we enjoy the same things, we respect each other’s space and we want to be with each other.

Basically my friends think I don't want to get out of it because I’ve got used to being with him. I don’t see what’s wrong with getting comfortable with a person, why does it instantly mean that I’m not fulfilling my potential.

Does being in my late-twenties mean I have to constantly run after an ‘exciting life’ where if I’m not in a constant state of arousal around my boyfriend then I’m settling? I’m not ashamed to say that I want emotional stability in my personal life.

What has changed?S looks exactly the same as he did 5 years ago and I used to find him hot then, I enjoy being with him, I’m not attracted to anyone else, so I don’t really know what has changed. I don’t know why I’m suddenly not attracted to him but it doesn’t bother me too much. Why should it?

After all anyone who has been in a relationship for five years can tell you how often most couples get it on anyway. Once a month…maybe…if you’re lucky. So why are we supposed to be attracted to each other all the time?