Your bodies change with time and age. You perhaps don’t find yourself and your partner as desirable and sexy as you did when you first met. And with that, sex isn’t as exciting anymore. You might also feel like you know each other’s bodies like the back of your hand. You might feel like there’s nothing left to explore. You’ve done whatever needs to be done to turn each other on hundreds of times. What next?
A word of reassurance: you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves scurrying for answers to the same question. Nobody wants a stale sex life, right? So here are some tips to spice up your married sex life.
- Think sex and think sexy.
Sex is still an important part of your relationship, even when you’ve been together for years, and life is full of other concerns.
- Talk about your sexual desires.
Now that after years of marriage you are comfortable with each other, communicate with each other about the different ideas you have about sex. Basically, let each other know what you expect in your sex life.
- Share responsibility for adding romance to your marriage. Don’t blame each other for a boring sex life. See what you can do to make it better.
- Get back in shape – it’s good for your health as well as your sex life. If you think your body needs some toning, go running or hit the gym. Work out together. Feel attractive and you will look attractive to your partner.
- Plan date nights. It doesn’t need to involve anything elaborate. Just find ways to spend time with each other, minus the kids. It could be dinner at a restaurant, a walk on the beach, a movie – whatever suits you.
- Set the mood for romance.
Take the effort to try something different in your bedroom. If you’ve done the erotic scents and baths, try sex toys. A panty vibrator or a playful condom could turn the heat up, or how about an oil massage with a happy ending?
- Play games with each other. Write down your sexual fantasies in chits and pool them together into a hat. Pull one out each week and follow the instructions. This will kill the predictability in your sex life. (But remember that fantasies are not always something you – or your partner – would like to act out in real life. Make it a rule that you will never pressure your partner into doing something they don’t feel comfortable with.)
- Express your intimacy. Touch your partner in different ways throughout the day – it doesn’t have to be sexual, just intimate. Write sexy, suggestive messages via emails, chat or SMSs. Get them thinking about sex even when you’re not having it.
Sometimes your sex life can suffer because of a sexual dysfunction – that means anything that causes you difficulty having or enjoying sex. Common dysfunctions are trouble getting an erection for men, and pain during sex for women.
There can be various different causes, both physical and psychological. But don’t just put up with it – get medical help. Sexual dysfunctions affect lots of people and most are curable. Think of all the positive things it will add to your life once the problem is solved! You can contact Love Matters’ partner FPA for advice.