Why can't I have intercourse with my girlfriend?

Auntyji says… Beta, is there really a legit answer to that question? What’s wrong with you? Perhaps nothing at all.

Full-course menu

Betaji, sabse pehlaan, who has laid out this rule? Should penis always make its grand entry into the vagina during sex? Nahinji. Your penis can be allowed to just lay there, quietly and respectfully – in full attention, of course!

Sex koi six-course meal thodi na hai that you have to jump to the main course after the appetiser. Kamaal hai puttar! Sometimes your host wants to keep the meal light and lovely yet fully satisfying, right?

Not everyone is always interested in the ‘main course’. Do you know the reason behind this? Because betaji, the rest of the meal is pretty much considered as the main course in itself by many. Main course ki fir toh zaroorat hi nahin yahan.

One of the biggest crisis of your times, I mean our times, is that the expectation of sex has gone up. Before we know it, it has gone too high and hit the ceiling. We expect that every time we have sex, we will be hitting the ceiling – in some form or the other. It does not always happen and it need not always happen, betaji.

Foreplay – the show stopper

It’s a misnomer beta that every act of sex has to have foreplay, penetration and afterplay. Maybe, for some, the foreplay is thrilling and flaming enough.

The word ‘foreplay’ itself is a little colloquial. Foreplay to most of us means the activity before the actual play. What I fail to understand: what’s the actual play?

It’s not that foreplay is just to get you in the mood. Foreplay can very well be the main event.

Betaji, foreplay is not the warm-up artist performing before the big star takes the stage. For some, it can be the only star. The big lovely star of your lovemaking show. It can be your showstopper.

My favourite director loves to say, “There are no small roles in a theatre play. There are only small actors. Be the star of the show, however small your role is.”

Similarly, foreplay is the entire play for you and your partner. It is your production, betaji. You can write your own script. The script where penile entry has no real role but is definitely mentioned in the off-stage support list.

To know more ways to make love to her, watch this animated video!

At your service

The only issue I see here is with the ladies. The girl doesn’t know what you’re going to serve. Honestly, if she’s waiting for the main course and it doesn’t show up, she will be a dissatisfied customer. She might never come back, complain before she leaves and probably bad mouth about you to others.

Better stay safe than be sorry, puttar. Lay out your buffet plan. Tell your girl what you can offer and what you cannot. Let her know before the act and not during the act.

So, to answer your initial question, nothing is wrong with you. You come with your own assets. However, keeping up with the need of the hour, just disclose your plan as soon as possible to avoid getting penalised. Have fun puttar!

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

What’s your experience with sexual intercourse? Share your story in comments or join us on Facebook. If you have a question, please visit our discussion forum.

Auntyji says… Beta, is there really a legit answer to that question? What’s wrong with you? Perhaps nothing at all.

Full-course menu

Betaji, sabse pehlaan, who has laid out this rule? Should penis always make its grand entry into the vagina during sex? Nahinji. Your penis can be allowed to just lay there, quietly and respectfully – in full attention, of course!

Sex koi six-course meal thodi na hai that you have to jump to the main course after the appetiser. Kamaal hai puttar! Sometimes your host wants to keep the meal light and lovely yet fully satisfying, right?

Not everyone is always interested in the ‘main course’. Do you know the reason behind this? Because betaji, the rest of the meal is pretty much considered as the main course in itself by many. Main course ki fir toh zaroorat hi nahin yahan.

One of the biggest crisis of your times, I mean our times, is that the expectation of sex has gone up. Before we know it, it has gone too high and hit the ceiling. We expect that every time we have sex, we will be hitting the ceiling – in some form or the other. It does not always happen and it need not always happen, betaji.

Foreplay – the show stopper

It’s a misnomer beta that every act of sex has to have foreplay, penetration and afterplay. Maybe, for some, the foreplay is thrilling and flaming enough.

The word ‘foreplay’ itself is a little colloquial. Foreplay to most of us means the activity before the actual play. What I fail to understand: what’s the actual play?

It’s not that foreplay is just to get you in the mood. Foreplay can very well be the main event.

Betaji, foreplay is not the warm-up artist performing before the big star takes the stage. For some, it can be the only star. The big lovely star of your lovemaking show. It can be your showstopper.

My favourite director loves to say, “There are no small roles in a theatre play. There are only small actors. Be the star of the show, however small your role is.”

Similarly, foreplay is the entire play for you and your partner. It is your production, betaji. You can write your own script. The script where penile entry has no real role but is definitely mentioned in the off-stage support list.

To know more ways to make love to her, watch this animated video!

At your service

The only issue I see here is with the ladies. The girl doesn’t know what you’re going to serve. Honestly, if she’s waiting for the main course and it doesn’t show up, she will be a dissatisfied customer. She might never come back, complain before she leaves and probably bad mouth about you to others.

Better stay safe than be sorry, puttar. Lay out your buffet plan. Tell your girl what you can offer and what you cannot. Let her know before the act and not during the act.

So, to answer your initial question, nothing is wrong with you. You come with your own assets. However, keeping up with the need of the hour, just disclose your plan as soon as possible to avoid getting penalised. Have fun puttar!

To protect the privacy of the author, the person in the picture is a model.

What’s your experience with sexual intercourse? Share your story in comments or join us on Facebook. If you have a question, please visit our discussion forum.