How do I get talking with girls?

Auntyji says… Arre puttar, don't worry about your intentions. There are no good or bad intentions. It’s all in the mind. If you weren’t aggressive about it, most women would find your bad intentions 'good'. And that is the simple clue to initiating conversations with women.

I am rather glad to see that you actually want to make the women feel comfortable. Very good boy you are. On the right path.

But how does one add that comfort factor to everyday flirting? Well women, just like you, enjoy attention. It's all about how you give them that attention, because there is no simple 'one size fits all' style of flirting. It is a rather complex game. But a fun one too, so learn to play by its rules.

Labelled 'easy'

Now in my college days, I enjoyed teasing the coy boys. But I turned coy as soon as any of them spoke up. Because one doesn't know what are they reading into my flirting.

Rather unfortunately, in India, women who flirt or seem open to flirting are labelled easy. But increasingly you young people have an open mind about these things. That is a good thing. But play your cards right.

Indirect approach

So Sameer, your problem is initiating the conversation. The first rule is not to pick up ideas from TV or films. That the mind of an Indian girl is confused, she is a scared creature and her defences against men are always up –Sab fizool baatein hain beta. Every girl has her own likes and interests and you would have to just find ways of getting to know her.  

So no, stalking her won’t make her fall in love with you. And no, cheesy lines are not great conversation starters either. They will give her sleepless nights, but not in the way you imagined.

What works is indirect approach. Do you have any friends in common? Get them to put in a good word. If you fancy a girl at a party, then it's acceptable to walk up to her and start talking.

Body language

Just talk about random stuff without any overt connotations. Try to be funny, talk about mundane things, and do not try to impress her in any manner. Be yourself and do not hit on her outright. Not in the initial half hour at least.

Just pay attention to how she is reacting to you. Gauging her body language will help. Is she attentive towards you? Is she looking at you constantly? Or is she actually trying to flirt with you?

In any of these scenarios, beta ji you are in luck. If not, my advice will be to back out, pack up your bags and try your charms somewhere else.

To protect the author’s privacy, the person in the picture is a model.

This article was first published on 11th March, 2013

Do you feel uncomfortable and nervous too? Are you attracted to someone but haven't had a conversation with them yet? Share your experiences or comments here or via Facebook.