How do I get a girlfriend?

Auntyji says… Hain, is a girlfriend some item to possess – like a car or a watch – that you think you are less in any way because you don’t have one? Chalo let’s discuss.

Putting it very bluntly: Maybe you have not tried asking someone out enough or maybe you have tried too much, and both are equally unappealing. We have to strike a balance in what we do and how we do it.

So first, look into yourself – are you dong something about it or just complaining? Or are you being SO pushy to get a girlfriend that you are scaring everyone away? The other truth is, maybe you just haven’t met your type of a girl yet. And that’s OK too.

‘Look good, smell better’

Haan ji, so you are moving about with friends and they all have girlfriends. Must be so depressing for you! You feel, ‘They have something I don’t have. They are cool, I am a fool!’ Arre nahin puttar! You see, beta, in this world of complete and continuous competition, we just  have to keep up with the game, as we say! You can’t afford to be lagging behind with continuous complaints, can you?

So come on, let’s see what we can do about finding a nice girlfriend. So sabse pehle, stop feeling sorry for yourself and be a little proactive and up to speed. And let’s spruce you up a bit. So as you know, first impressions last – so check how you look. Keep a tab of what is cool in your circuits and what your pals around you are wearing and sporting. Then, make sure you are very clean and neat and have no sorts of odours – mouth, body, underarms, feet. Aye haye, it’s so unappealing and totally unsexy. And upar se noone wants to tell the person who has it, that s/he has it! Look good, smell better is Auntyji’s adage. And don’t overdo the deo, please!

Brain power

Now comes the harder part with finding a partner. Work on how you present yourself – the talking, chatting and making intelligent and interesting conversations. Bhai, if you are a natural, tab to koi problem nahin, but if you are a struggler then toh jee you have to practise.

Read more, have some interests and a lot to talk about. But most importantly, one more tip from Auntyji. Talk about the person you are trying to impress – ask her about herself, her life, her interests, and add your ideas on each. Don’t take off about the political situation in Kosovo, she and many others may not even know what that is!

Don’t be sexist

If you’re trying to get a girlfriend, never speak derogatorily about women to women. I hear men crack so many sexist jokes and many stupid kuddis keep laughing also. But avaoid it, it’s really not cool and shows you have no respect for women at all. Especially if you are amongst other guys who think it’s cool to make jokes about women, resist and see how you will stand out in any crowd.

Just today I was at a show and I heard an MC comparing bikes to women. Batao, now how is that funny?! So while the demand is not of being chivalrous – by the way that still goes a long way – but at least a marked sense of respect is expected!

But that doesn’t mean you should be or behave like the total loser! Don’t do chun chun and make yourself look like a bechara. Also, the first date you get with a girl, don’t already plan your wedding mandap! Oye, wait, get to know her and let her get to know you and then see how it works out, if at all.

So relax and be yourself, not some quick gun Murugan, ki chat mangni phat beyaah! And please don’t bore her with your, “My Mummy,” “My didi,” “My sister’s sister-in-law” – details of other women you so love and admire. No one wants to hear this, so thanks but no, thanks!

Look in the right places

Ok, so the biggest problem being with guys who are hooked up is to find places or people to hook up with, woh toh baithe hain aaram se! So don’t be shy and get ready to ask them, “Hey, introduce me to her” or “She looks nice, can’t you fix me to meet her?” And see what they say.

Also try online dating, a hobby class, a sport, and see if you do meet someone, who is outside of this circle of friends where everyone knows everyone.

Ok jee chalo, bas ho gayee! Look good, feel confident and get ready to put your hand out and introduce yourslef. Beta, there’s nothing wrong with you, sometimes all these things take time, so that’s alright. Bas now get ready to get out there and get noticed.

To protect the author's privacy, the person in the photo is a model.
First published 21-10-2014

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