Are my sex problems caused by masturbation?

Auntyji says... My dear Pritam, you are suffering from rather common troubles. The simple answer to your question is ‘no’. And the simple advice to help you is easier said than done: ‘don’t worry’.

Anyway, you're certainly not alone, as Love Matters pointed out a while back: erection and orgasm trouble go together.

Many men who have trouble getting an erection also have trouble having an orgasm. And although we tend to think of premature ejaculation as the man's problem, research shows that many men have trouble climaxing too.

It seems like you have three broad problems: erection, ejaculation and the idea that there is something wrong with masturbation.

My suggestions: enjoy plenty of foreplay for a proper erection, don’t put pressure on yourself to ejaculate, and definitely don’t think about any ill effects or even after-effects of masturbation.

Harmless

Let me start with the last issue first. Masturbation can only cause orgasms, happiness and satisfaction. It’s a completely harmless activity unless you’re spending so much time doing it every day that it’s interfering with your work or family life.

It’s a favourite activity of some of the most virile men known to me. So my darling puttarji, don’t think about its impact on your sex life beyond a slow-down in sexual desire for a few hours after a good session.

Passion killer

Then there is your issue with getting an erection. There are different possible causes of this – it can be physical or psychological.

But one thing is clear. When you begin making love if you are worrying about whether you will have trouble getting an erection or have trouble ejaculating, and whether all this trouble is because you’ve been masturbating too much… well, it’s pretty much a guaranteed passion killer that would make many an erection droop!

Please her

Now, I am sure that you’re familiar with the saying, jaldi ka kaam, sahitaan ka. So basically don’t try to rush anything. Take it slowly and build it up steadily.

I would suggest plenty of foreplay and not too much worry about erections and ejaculation. And Pritam beta, my special trick for you is to put the focus on pleasing your partner and finding out how to give her great orgasms. That will also turn you on of course. And in return your sizzling partner will be keen to work on arousing you. It will also help make clear to her that your erection and ejaculation worries are not because you don’t find her attractive. (Though why not tell her anyway?)

Enough arousal should help take care of your slow ejaculation as well. But there are no rules about how long things should last. What is important is whether you are both enjoying making love.

Anxious

Now, back to masturbation. It’s true that masturbation can be used to decrease the sensitivity of the penis. This can be useful for men whose problem is ejaculating too soon, as I wrote about here.

And it’s true that delayed ejaculation can be caused by a getting used to very particular of masturbating. Basically the sensations that you feel while masturbating are very different from what you feel during intercourse, depending on the pressure, angle and grip.

But it’s more likely that your trouble has nothing to do with masturbation, and more to do with feeling anxious.

Many ways to pleasure

Remember there is no rule that says you have to orgasm only during intercourse – whether you’re a man or a woman. There are many ways to make love, and your partner can pleasure you in many ways – with her hands, her mouth, her breasts, her vagina. Show her what feels good to you. And encourage her to show you what pleases her.

Relax a lot more and enjoy the stimulation. Work on your and your girlfriend’s arousal and you’ll be rewarded. Just don’t expect any quick fix results. Just like sexual rhythms, slow and steady does it.

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model and names have been changed. 

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