My younger brother is watching porn

Auntyji says... Oh ho! So the child is growing up – becoming a young man, our boy! Chalo yeh bhi theek hai.

Stay cool
Beta Aarti, don’t panic dear. Yeh toh hona hee tha... This was bound to happen some time or the other. So first and foremost, worry not. This is the first thing you can do to help deal with the situation at hand – your role is going to be crucial here so first get your bearings right, ok? Cool and composed, is what you need to be.

Now you have to bring this thing up with the boy. So approach him very gently and ask what is going on in his life these days -- how school is and if they have something new happening in school. You can also ask him if the school has organised any sessions or workshops about growing up, becoming older and things like that... give him a patient hearing.

In the open
Tell him you know he is growing up and all kinds of inquisitiveness, curiosity happens in this age – assuage him, it's very normal and common. If he opens up and begins to talk then you have an opening, if he doesn’t, then bring up what you know and avoid talking about how you came to know.

So you can go into the conversation very directly, “Amit (let's call him that for the sake of this conversation), darling do you know about pornography? Have you seen some?” or you could say, “Amit, darling, do your other friends talk to you about porn? Do you guys discuss it.” If he agrees, great! Ask him what he knows, if he disagrees or remains quiet, educate him.

The right source
There is nothing bad or wrong with watching porn. But preferably, porn ought not to be your first brush with sexuality education.

Young people must learn about sex from a comfortable, holistic, non-judgmental source. Or a person, who provides full information, in a friendly and humorous manner (just like me and Love Matters!) – so that the listener gets as complete and sound a picture as is the truth.

In fact, every young person has the right to sexuality information as long as it is age appropriate and not loaded with underlying messages.

Porn is unreal
Tell your brother that while porn is very popular, it is not the truth. In fact, very far from it. It is a film about sex, and we all know how real films are, right?

Is the hero of any film really dancing on a train, without falling off or getting arrested? Is the villain really throwing erring staff into a pool of swimming sharks? Nahin na? So similarly what we see in a porn flick is not real, but because it is done realistically it seems to be so. No! It is only a film!

The ‘problem’ with porn, if I may say so, is this that it sensationalises sex and does not treat gender and women very fairly. Of course your 11-year-old brother will not get this concept! So explain. Tell him what you see is not how sex is or should be. Neither is it what one can aim to achieve in real life but it makes people believe that if sex happens – it will be that way only. But it's not so!

Big sister
And finally, perhaps young Amit first needs to know more about his body, about growing up, about becoming mature. Aarti, here is your big job. Offer him information – books, and names of reliable websites, in fact you can show him the websites and let him deal with it on his own.

Offer him your support and a window to talk and share everything he wants to. Tell him you too may not know but if you don't you will get back to him with the right information and if he finds out, then he should educate you. Deal?

Take a walk, go to a quiet restaurant, share a dessert between the two of you and have this talk... It will go a long way, for him and for your relationship as siblings.

Have you ever spoken to your siblings about sex? How did it go? Share your experiences by leaving a comment below or by sharing your ideas on Facebook.