Can a marriage work without sex?

Auntyji says, Oh ho beta Neeta that’s an issue for sure – because as we all know, marriage comes with a lot of expectations and many are around sex!

Prep for it

So Neeta beta, what do you do – in general? Do you have a job? Are you earning your own money? Beta you know why I am asking all this – because this will help you in your negotiations with your next ‘match’ so to say. This is a going to be a long rally as they say. Ball in mata pita court then back to yours, then other rishtedaars, then back to you. You will have a lot to negotiate – charcha and discuss! So get your game up to speed.

Me too, me three

You can do a few things Neeta and the first on the list is – tell them, as you perhaps already have, ‘I don’t want to marry yet – I am not ready’.  Nobody will listen to you! Everyone will have an anecdote from their own life like ‘...arre I was going to run away’, I used to cry every day’, ‘my mother was on bhookh hadtaal because of me’. And then satisfactorily sum it up with  ‘baad mein, everything was fine and see where your chachaji and I are today – so happy’! Whatever that statement means still does not clarify how good or active their sex life is! Not that we are so keen to know either – yeah?

Talk it out

So speak up – to one person or two or a few who you think ‘get you’. Sit down with them but outside the marriage maahoul – some restaurant maybe and tell them, ‘I am not keen on any sexual relationship. I cannot marry’. Something on those lines but be blunt! They will still do their things. Laugh it off as ‘every girl’s tension’. Assuage you with platitudes like, ‘arree, sab ke saath…’ or they could go the other way, ‘beta,  hope you are not a lesbian shesbian’! Now is your time. Negotiate. No threats. Have your points in place along with a solution – if not marriage, then what’s the POA?

Expect to hear the word ‘chakkar’ and ‘lafda’ many a time. Beta Neeta, the pressure to be married and to ‘get your daughter married off’ is huge for them. Parents really crumble under social pressure so recognise that and support them too. They have enough going on and don’t need any more gussa, threats and unreasonable assertions from you too. So Keep Calm and Carry on – but in a sweet and pleasant way. Suggest a few ‘palatable’ solutions to them too.

Body Rights

Are you worried you don’t want to have sex – don’t be. It’s your body and your choice – whenever you want to, with whoever you want to, if ever you want to – just get your reasons right, that’s all. Luckily the chances of doping your daughters into a mandap and getting her ‘married off’ are somewhat lower, especially if you are working, earning, and being clear in your communication. Go on Girl – enough to prep for!

To protect the identity, the person in the picture is a model. 

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