Intercourse – to put it bluntly, fucking or screwing – is when you take a man's erect penis into your vagina. Most young people make love in other ways first. So don’t think you have to have intercourse straight away. Half of all 17-year-olds have never had intercourse.
How to have sex with a man
Don’t start lovemaking with intercourse right at the beginning. Build up slowly, make sure you both get really turned on. Slowly undress each other, kiss and stroke each other’s bodies, give each other compliments.
First stroke his belly, the inside of his thighs, his balls and his buttocks before you move to his penis. Try touching his penis briefly at first, as if by chance, to build up the excitement.
Tense your vagina during intercourse. You do this the same way you would if you were holding in urine. The vagina gets tighter and this can feel nice for the man.
You can touch his anus during intercourse. It’s easy to reach if he’s lying on top of you. You can gently stroke the anus, press on it more firmly with a finger, or put the tip of your finger inside. Build this up slowly.
Pain during intercourse
Some women experience pain during intercourse. What causes the pain?
The first time can hurt because the hymen is stretched.
It can hurt if the vagina isn’t moist enough. Only start having intercourse when you’re vagina is moist enough and if need be use lubricant.
If you often find intercourse painful, it could be because you’re tense. This means your pelvic floor muscles aren’t relaxing enough. Take time to relax and to get aroused. Talk to your partner about it.
If you have pain every time during intercourse, see a health professional, because sex shouldn’t hurt.
Will it go in?
Do you ever wonder if a penis would actually fit inside your vagina? You’re not the only one. As long as a woman is aroused – relaxed and wet – a penis will easily fit inside her vagina. After all, it’s stretchy enough for a baby to come out of!
What if it won’t go in easily?
- Natural lubricants: saliva (spit), clean water
- Store-bought lubricants: water-based, silicone, or glycerine based ones.
- Examples of water-based lubricant: Astroglide or KY jelly
- Examples of silicone-based lubricant: Wet Platinum, Eros Bodyglide
- Examples of glycerine-based lubricant: any flavoured lubricants
If you get a lot of yeast infections, avoid glycerine-based lubricants. Glycerine contains sugars that yeast feed on, and can cause more yeast infections.
Avoid lubricants made out of petroleum jelly (Vaseline), lotions, cold creams, butter or margarine, because they can damage latex and cause condoms to tear.
Try different positions
Sometimes a vagina is on a slight angle or sometimes a penis is curved or bends, which makes it hard for the penis to enter the vagina.
It can help to try different positions. See some examples below, but don’t forget to use lubricant.
- ‘Missionary’: the man lies on top and the woman lies on her back
- Woman on top: the other way round
- From behind: the woman kneels on all fours and the man enters from behind
If none of these suggestions work, see your doctor or another health care professional – he or she can advise you of other options.