Finding the right grind
Ladies! Get out your measuring tape: the distance between your urinary opening and your clitoris can predict whether you belong to the 70-90% of females who cannot achieve an orgasm through standard penetrative sex alone, according to ‘Anatomy may be key to female orgasm’.
The magic number is 2.5 centimetres – just over an inch.
“Each woman's ability to orgasm during sex depends almost wholly on physical development that occurred while she was still in the womb. […] During gestation, the clitoris begins to drift up and away from the vaginal opening.”
Then if your clitoris drifts too far, “traditional lovemaking doesn't provide enough friction to stimulate the clitoris.”
Solution: “Couples can use positions where the female is on top, which allows the woman to get more friction against her clitoris. Or they can use a sexual position that allows either the man or the woman to rub the clitoris during sex, either with fingers or a sex toy.”
Conclusion: mix it up and find the grind!
That’s a stretch
“In a country where height is considered attractive, Komal is one of a growing number of young Indians using their increasing prosperity to improve their marriage and career prospects, and fuelling a cosmetic surgery boom,” according to ‘”I have to be taller”: the unregulated world of India's limb-lengthening industry’.
“Komal never told her friends where she really went for six months last year. The 24-year-old, from the town of Kota, in western India, went to see Dr Amar Sarin, an orthopaedic surgeon in Delhi, who made her eight centimetres (3in) taller, a procedure which involved breaking the bones in her legs and wearing a brace until she could walk again.”
“I have so much confidence now,” says Komal. “I was just 4’ 6” People used to make fun of me and I couldn’t get a job. Now my younger sister is doing it, too.”
“Limb lengthening surgery was pioneered in the 1950s, in a small Soviet town called Kurgan in Siberia. Its inventor, a Polish man named Gavriil Ilizarov, once dismissed as a quack, became known as the “magician from Kurgan”, after he performed orthopaedic operations on people including an Olympic high jump champion.”
When I saw how much their self-esteem was improving, I decided to keep going.
And now: “It is a growing trend in India,” says Dr Sarin. “I get around 20 calls a day, with people telling me ‘I want to be tall, I have to be taller.’”
“I used to wonder whether what I’m doing is right, but when I saw how much their self-esteem was improving, I decided to keep going,” says Dr Sarin.
But he does admit: “It’s madness to do it.”
New lengths in penis measurement
But yes, you can’t really talk about measurements without talking about penises. For some reason, penises and rulers go together like plugs into sockets.
But it’s not always been about bigger being better, according to ‘Why do all old statues have such small penises’. In Ancient Greece, for example, the ideal man “was rational, intellectual and authoritative. He may still have had a lot of sex, but this was unrelated to his penis size, and his small penis allowed him to remain coolly logical.”
If you really must measure your penis, you’re actually better off measuring the girth: "A common reason for a condom slipping off or breaking during sex is that you've bought the wrong size... You have to measure the circumference of the penis when erect, not the length," according to ‘Swedish clinic gives out penis tape measures’.
His small penis allowed him to remain coolly logical.
“The public clinic, which caters to young people up to the age of 23, said the initiative was aimed at turning around declining condom use in Sweden and making sure young men buy the right size condom to prevent sexually-transmitted diseases.”
Unfortunately on the first morning of the campaign, no youth came to receive their free tape. "Teenagers are really tired in the morning so I presume they will come after lunch," a clinic representative joked.
Perhaps if the campaign fails, the measuring tapes can be recycled and used to measure the distance between the clitoris and the urinary opening.