Egg and sperm
Shutterstock/Lemonade Serenade

A sperm discovers an egg. You won’t believe what happens next!

By Steve Korver Thursday, March 5, 2015 - 11:32
Sperm magic! Vaginal yogurt! When sparks fly!... These news flashes in this week’s Sex in the Press.

Sperm appétit!

“Though sperm is mainly used for procreation, it can have extraordinary benefits for everyday life,” according to ‘Extraordinary things you can do with sperm’.

1) Spies have used it as invisible ink!

2) A Norwegian cosmetic company has developed an insanely expensive anti-wrinkle facial cream. Using a synthesized version of the sperm compound Spermine, the company claims the cream is “30 times more effective than vitamin E and can delay the aging process by 20 percent.”

3) “In a recent study, researchers demonstrated that women who were directly exposed to semen were less likely to be depressed. The study stated mood-altering hormones that are present in semen can be absorbed through the vagina.”

4) Then there’s: Natural Harvest – A Collection of Semen-Based Recipes, a cookbook that “advertises semen as an ‘inexpensive’ ingredient that can give any food an ‘interesting twist’.”

Vagina-licious

Not to be outdone: ‘How to make breakfast with your vagina’.

"Why is there a whole cookbook of cum-based recipes and not a SINGLE THING on Google about culturing jazz juice?" wondered MD/PhD student Cecilia Westbrook.

“So she grabbed a spoon, a pan, and a candy thermometer, and set out to create yogurt from her vagina – the ultimate in locally-sourced cuisine.”

“Every vagina is home to hundreds of different types of bacteria and organisms. These organisms – collectively known as the vaginal community – produce lactic acid, hydrogen peroxide, and other substances that keep the vagina healthy. The dominant bacteria are called lactobacillus, which also happens to be what people sometimes use to culture milk, cheese, and yogurt.”

Cecilia’s resulting yogurt tasted “sour”, “tangy” and “tingly”. She ate it with blueberries.

Unfortunately, "when you take vaginal secretions, you're not just taking the lactobacilli. You're taking everything,” notes a microbiologist. “And it’s possible that, from day to day, or woman to woman what you're using in your yogurt is no longer dominated by lactobacilli but other bacteria, some of which could be pathogenic.”

“In other words, like raw milk and certain kinds of stinky cheese, you’re not going to find ‘Ceci’s Yonigurt’ for sale on a store shelf anytime soon. [...] Proof that sadly, eating yogurt made from vaginal secretions isn’t quite the same as eating actual pussy.”

Two great tastes that taste great together

“A team of researchers in the US has, for the first time, captured and measured the molecular firework display that occurs in mammals shortly after fertilization, offering new insight into these events,” according to ‘New images show sparks literally fly when egg and sperm unite’.

After sperm has made its merry way through the vaginal community, a single sperm may find the egg and penetrate it. The result may be an explosion of ‘zinc sparks’ – zinc being an essential ingredient for the egg to mature into an embryo.

Only then, does the real cooking begin.

How’s your appetite? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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