sex position
Shutterstock/Michal Beno

Taking a position: a sex position

By Steve Korver Thursday, July 14, 2016 - 13:12
Hetero humans can only make love in six ways … Doing it disabled … Bombay Night Frog leaps ahead … These news flashes and more in this week’s Sex in the Press.

The big six

Sorry, there are actually only six sex positions’.

The stress is off! We don’t have to master a million-and-one different sex positions to feel fulfilled!

It’s not that the Kama Sutra is a lie, or that those million-and-one articles on million-and-one sex positions are trying to deceive us. They are all merely deluded.

“The truth is that, despite what the sex-position-industrial complex would have you believe, there is not an endless number of ways to get it on. There is no Isaac Newton of fucking who’s suddenly going to emerge from his laboratory with a drawing of two stick figures doing it in a previously undiscovered way that will cause an orgasm that rips a hole in the space-time continuum.”

Put simply: when it comes down to straight and ho-hum hetero penetrative sex, there are only six positions – the other 999 995 are just variations on the six main thrusts.

Luckily sex is like jazz: you can endlessly riff out on the same basic themes.

The six are: ‘Missionary’ (man on top), ‘Cowgirl’ (woman on top, facing man), ‘Reverse Cowgirl’ (woman on top, facing away from man), ‘Doggy Style’ (man enters from behind, with couple on all fours or lying on their stomachs), ‘Spooning’ (man enters from behind, while couple is lying on their sides) and ‘Standing’ (which, for safety reasons, requires a couple to maintain their balance).

Luckily sex is like jazz: you can endlessly riff out on the same basic themes.

Seeking inspiration

And rest assured, you can still seek inspiration from elsewhere.

For example, the animal world offers a rich tapestry of unorthodox methods, as attested by ‘8 animal sex positions that prove nature is freakier than you’.

Or if you are a tall girl, you can shake things up by trying ‘5 easy and steamy sex positions for short girls’.

Or if you have a boyfriend with a small penis, you can shake things up by trying: ‘5 sex positions to get you off when he has a BIG penis’.

Or you can decide to live life on the edge: ‘This is the most dangerous sex position for men and the horrific injury it can cause’. (Yes folks, a penis – whether it’s big or small – can actually get broken.)

Or you can be inspired by people who are forced to be creative when fulfilling their natural sexual urges: ‘How people with disabilities have sex’ and ‘Sex positions for those with disabilities’. (And remember, we are all disabled in our own special ways when it comes to sex – especially in adolescence.)

Even cold-blooded creatures like it hot!

Froggy style

But let us return to a heart-warming story from the animal kingdom: ‘Study climaxes with discovery of freaky frog sex position’.

Researchers in India have documented a new position, the ‘Dorsal Straddle’, practiced by the Bombay Night Frog.

"The female sits in front of the male and creeps backwards, until her feet touch the male’s head […] The male will then respond by straddling the female and releasing sperm on her back before dismounting. The female then lays her eggs […] The female will then move into a position where it is possible for the sperm to 'trickle' down its back and fertilise the eggs.”

Indeed folks, even cold-blooded creatures like it hot!

The ‘Dorsal Straddle’ can now be included to the other options available to the 6,650 types of frog worldwide: ‘Inguinal’, ‘Axillary’, ‘Cephalic’, ‘Glued’, ‘Independent’ and ‘Head Straddle’.

Yes: frogs now have seven positions to choose from.

Feeling jealous?

Well then, dream the big dream – and practice, practice, practice. Perhaps the seventh position for humans is just around the corner, and you and your partner will be the ones who discover it…

Have you discovered a position you believe to be unique? Please share! Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook. Or if you have any questions, visit our discussion board.

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