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Women are twice as likely to have given oral sex

By Steve Korver Thursday, February 25, 2016 - 16:24
Cancer and oral sex … Canadian men are selfish pigs … ‘Oral suction simulators’ for females … These news flashes and more in this week’s Sex in the Press.

Vaccinate against cancer

The vaccine against the sexually transmitted human papillomavirus (HPV) has proven to be remarkably effective, according to ‘Cancer-causing HPV rates fall dramatically in teenage girls following vaccine’.

“In Australia, the vaccine is offered for free to schoolgirls and that accomplished a 92 per cent reduction in genital warts in women under the age of 21 over the period 2007 to 2011.”

Impressive reductions have also been found for cervical, throat, mouth, anal, and penis cancers in areas that have also undertaken vaccination programs for pre-teen girls.

Experts are now recommending that vaccination programs expand to include pre-teen boys “so they can also be protected against HPV infection before becoming sexually active,” according to ‘HPV contracted through oral sex linked to mouth and throat cancer in men’.

The chance that a man gets HPV-related cancers seems to increase with the number of oral sex partners he has had, according to a recent study.

The opposite is true for women: the chance of getting HPV-related cancers seems to decrease with the number of vaginal sex partners she has had.

“The reason for this may be that women mount an immune response to HPV when they are first exposed vaginally, and this helps prevent them from contracting oral HPV infections. Men do not have these immune responses.”

But yes, it does seem a bit unfair…

Head to head

Speaking of unfair: “In seriously depressing but not-so-surprising news: There are some big differences between the sexes when it comes to going down on each other,” according to ‘This is how many more women are giving head than guys. Hint: it's a lot’.

“Women are twice as likely to have given oral without ever getting it in return (26 per cent vs. only 10 per cent of men). Definitely not cool, guys.”

“What's even suckier, only 28 per cent of women said they actually enjoyed giving blow jobs – despite the fact that they were doing it more. Womp. Men were significantly more likely to have fun during the act: Fifty-two per cent rated going down on their partners as ‘super hot’.”

But since this study involved 900 Canadian university students, we cannot conclude that this unfairness is a universal phenomenon. We can only conclude that Canadian men are lazy pigs.

But hey, many of us knew that already.

‘I’m still orgasming’

Canadian men better up their game if they don’t want to be rendered obsolete, if we are to believe the review ‘I tried the latest trend in oral sex vibrators and I'm still orgasming’.

“While there are approximately ten gazillion mouth-like sex toys on the market for men to stick their penises into, very few offer a similar sensation for the ladies. It's such typical bullshit. Of course men get all the motorised blow jobs their ding dongs could want, while women get some giant dick stand-ins. Yes, giant dick stand-ins are fine and often even divine, but you would think that products that suck on our clits would be a big deal.”

The reviewer did indeed think that the Womanizer – a “oral suction simulator” – was a very big deal.

Once she had played around and found the right settings, the response was almost immediate: “Oh boy, was it just right! So, so, so, so, so just right. SO DAMN JUST RIGHT”.

“I'm not exaggerating when I say that this sensation is unlike anything I've ever felt before. It was an intense, all over body shake that lasted for several minutes. If I were a wolf, I would have been howling at the moon.”

“Now if only someone could invent a tongue attachment to go with these things I'd f*cking marry it.”

Sounds fair.

 

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