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Masturbation: hands across the world

By Steve Korver Thursday, October 15, 2015 - 15:15
Is masturbation good for making babies after all? Has Playboy betrayed us? Would you wank for science? Is female masturbation dead? … These news flashes and more in this week’s Sex in the Press.

The shot heard around the world

“Most people think of masturbation as a poor substitute for sex. The question is, why is it a substitute for sex? For most species, it doesn’t seem to achieve any kind of evolutionary purpose,” according to ‘There may be an evolutionary reason for masturbation, after all’.

Sure masturbation is fun, but why waste our body’s precious resources on an act that makes no babies? “Wouldn’t evolution favour creatures that only get aroused for a potential mate?”

But now there may be an evolutionary justification for masturbation thanks to a study of mating beach iguanas.

Female iguanas tend to cluster around the biggest and strongest males – leaving the smaller guys looking longingly from the periphery. But the more entrepreneurial of these smaller males were also observed humping a rock so they would be aroused and ready to jump in at a moment’s notice.

“So the urge to masturbate might not be just about enjoyment – it might be a way to make sure everyone can get off quick before her husband comes home.”

Wanking for science

“A new study suggests that when men were exposed to a different actress while watching porn, they ejaculated quicker and produced more semen. Yes, these men were asked to watch porn and ejaculate for science,” according to ‘Men - here's how a new woman alters your ejaculations’.

“Each participant provided seven samples of ejaculate over the course of 15 days. Participants were asked to refrain from drinking alcohol and having sex 48 hours before each collection. Each man was left alone in a private room to watch the provided film and masturbate into a collection pot.”

The first six porn films starred the same actress. The seventh film featured a new actress – which resulted in higher quality ejaculate. The sperm was suddenly stronger and faster.

The researchers are reluctant to draw conclusions until more research is undertaken.

Finding volunteers should not be a problem.

Playboy with no playgirls

For men who began their voyage of self-love discovery before the rise of the internet, it came as a shock: ‘Playboy to stop publishing nude images’.

Founded in 1951, the iconic US nudie magazine had millions of readers during its 1970s heyday.

But now with the internet, “you're now one click away from every sex act imaginable for free. And so it's just passé at this juncture,” says Playboy’s current editor.

But others suggest that the real reason for the change is to sell more bunny-logoed merchandise in growth markets such as China and India, according to ‘China – not online porn – is why Playboy is dumping nude photographs’.

“Dumping the brand’s association with nudity, however mild compared to online porn standards, gives it a better image in countries where government policies towards pornographers can be highly critical – which just happen to be the two most populous countries in the world. Attempts to open Playboy-branded clubs in India were swatted by authorities twice. China, meanwhile, has repeatedly announced anti-porn campaigns in recent years.”

“Licensing has rewarded Playboy with happy returns. The company claims to have helped generate $5 billion in retail revenue from China within the last decade, and more than $500 million in 2014 alone – despite how few of these customers remain aware of the brand’s racy origins.”

“If it’s to grow, it needs to sell more bunny ears in China, not centrefold magazines in the US.”

Is female masturbation dead?

A headline that caught the imagination of the world: ‘Women who sniff this Hawaiian mushroom have spontaneous orgasms’.

“A study from the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms reports that Dictyophora, a mushroom that grows on lava flows, induces spontaneous orgasms in about 1/3 of the woman who sniff it.”

So will female masturbation grow obsolete with the discovery of this magical mushroom?

Um. No. The story turns out to have no basis.

Sorry ladies, as you were…

 

Would you rather use your nose instead of your hands? Would you wank for science? Share your thoughts by leaving a comment below or joining the discussion on Facebook.

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