Orgy
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An orgy of orgies

By Steve Korver Thursday, June 11, 2015 - 11:43
Fancy orgies! Wheelchair-accessible orgies! Historical orgies! ‘Freak Fest’ orgies! Bible-themed orgies! Belgian grandma orgies! Relaxed orgies!… These orgies and more in this week’s Sex in the Press.

The history of the posh, upmarket orgy

The inner-workings of the international high-end orgy scene were exposed recently in a well-publicised trial of Dominique Strauss-Kahn, according to ‘The rise and rise of the upmarket orgy’.

Until his arrest in 2011 for sexually assaulting a NYC hotel maid, Strauss-Kahn was a serious contender to be France’s next President. “He was also, as we learnt last week when he took the stand at his trial for aggravated pimping in Lille, northern France, a regular participant in sex parties in Paris, Brussels and Washington, described in an official French investigators’ report as ‘carnage on a pile of mattresses’.”

Posh orgies have a long, squishy history according to the book Plays Well in Groups: A Journey Through the World of Group Sex, by cultural anthropologist Katherine Frank.

As with many exotic things, orgies originated in Ancient Greece and Rome. They proved popular among 17th century European pagans (“What smooching and slobbering one of another!”). And reached a defining moment in the Playboy Mansion in late 20th-century Los Angeles (“It was like going to some infant’s paradise where you could eat all the candy you liked and wouldn’t get fat.”).

And today, orgies are enjoying a distinct renaissance. “We have every kind of guest – lawyers, actors, accountants, models and nurses,” says one British upmarket orgy organiser. “It’s definitely becoming a more and more fashionable thing to do – social apps such as Tinder are allowing people to hook up and it’s made them much less inhibited and more interested in pushing boundaries and exploring, but in a safe environment.”

Home-sharing orgies

Meanwhile, other social apps allow people to organise an orgy in the safety of home – other people’s homes.

“Last year, comedian Ari Teman made headlines after renting out his Seventh Avenue studio on Airbnb. But his guests weren’t wholesome holidaymakers. Teman discovered that an orgy billed as ‘XXX FREAK FEST’, was taking place in his apartment. Since then, he’s been blacklisted and left homeless,” according to ‘Airbnb “Freak Fest” orgy leaves NYC man homeless’.

But now there’s an alternative: ‘The new Airbnb for orgies ought to solve some problems’.

“With Kinkbnb, you can book a stay in such places as ‘The Office, Portland's boutique dungeon’, which includes a ‘spanking horse’, and ‘Prison Cell near Leipzig, Germany’, which is pretty self-explanatory.”

An orgy for every market segment

But orgies are available to every market segment.

“After paying their obeisance at a temple in Nathdwara, traders from Ahmedabad, Valsad and Surat landed in an Udaipur hotel for a drink-and-sex party with others of their ilk. They were among the 83 cloth and marble merchants, including 16 women arrested by Udaipur police in a late night raid on Sunday,” according to ‘Pilgrimage turns into drunken orgy’.

"We sent two dummy customers, constables Basant and Mangejaram, to be part of the party and once they gave us the go ahead we raided the hotel," said a police spokesman. Constables Basant and Mangejaram were unavailable for comment.

Meanwhile, back to near Rome: ‘Gay priest liked his lovers to play Judas in Bible-themed orgies’.

“The priest allegedly told the man he had organized gay orgies with priests and a Swiss Guard before – and asked him to join in, role-playing as Judas, the apostle who betrayed Jesus. In the fantasy, he ‘had to atone for his betrayal of Jesus by becoming his slave’.”

Empowerment orgies

“The Berlin wall of sex for people with disabilities is coming down!” according to ‘Accessible orgy a go for disabled’. Yes folks, “a wheelchair can become just a big sex toy”.

The ‘Deliciously Disabled’ orgy is being organised this summer in Canada in time for the Parapan Am Games. It promises to have full wheelchair access as well an interpreter for the deaf.

“By making this party accessible, we are saying openly that people with disabilities are sexual beings,” says the organisor. “This should not be shocking. It should be celebrated.”

Unfortunately, another orgy story related to empowerment turned out to be too good to be true: ‘Russian media pick up fake “Belgian grandma orgy” story’.

Over a hundred Russian media outlets believed a satirical news story that reported: “Seven of the 200 participants died of heart problems at or after the event, which saw one female pensioner take on 35 sexual partners.”

Heart-warming orgies

Traumatised citizens are calling a conservation hotline after witnessing groups of 1000-pound sea cows writhing about, according to ‘Don't disturb the manatees during their “relaxed orgy”. The endangered species needs its private time’.

“Please stay back. Don't approach the animals," callers are told. "If you wouldn't want a manatee busting in on you in the bedroom, then keep your distance from them when they're going about their business. Now is not the time to try to get a selfie.” (Incidentally, the hashtag #orgyselfie does exist – only it’s quite tame and underused.)

“Manatee mating is slow and ‘kind of lazy’, with a little bit of thrashing now and then. It can last for hours, if not days. It’s the most relaxed orgy you'll ever see," says a conservationist.

At last: an orgy that sounds civilised.

Any comments about orgies? And what is an orgy, anyway. More than two people? More than three? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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