Question: “Why does the country that gave the world the Kama Sutra need a straight-talking 90-year-old to teach it about sex?” wonders ‘Ask the Sexpert: The 90-year-old sex guru’.
Answer: Sex education in India has generally gone downhill since the Kama Sutra and all its Sanskrit sensuality first appeared 2000 years ago. In fact, the health minister recently suggested that sex ed should be completely banned in the country. (Happily, his comments inspired a satirical video that has since received almost two million views.)
Meanwhile, Dr Mahinder Watsa – who lost his virginity in a time when Gandhi was still wearing a suit – has answered over 35,000 questions in various advice columns over the last 50 years. His reputation is based on not suffering fools gladly.
To the young man worrying about the effects of accidentally taking an emergency contraception pill meant for his girlfriend: “Next time round please use a condom and make sure you don't swallow that too.”
To another young man wondering if his penis will shrink from excessive masturbation: “You talk a lot, does your tongue shrink?"
To yet another young man doubting the advice of his astrologer who told him he could lengthen his penis by pulling it for 15 minutes every day: “If he was right, most men would have a penis hitting their knees.”
As hilarious and spot-on as he can be, Dr Watsa is criticised by some sexual health experts for being a prude – or plain wrong – when it comes to other issues such as homosexuality and porn.
So let’s just have one final example of the doctor’s singular style:
To the young woman wondering if her friend is correct in thinking that her breasts are getting larger from masturbation: “No. Does she think her clitoris is an air pump?”
Speaking of air pumps: ‘This woman claims she can give blowjobs that are so good, they’re fatal’.
As ‘Auntie Angel’, the former US Army mechanic Denise Walker (43) has produced a series of viral films featuring over 50 fellatio tips.
“Angel’s videos achieve a delicate tonal balance—frank and straightforward, her emphasis on the proper terminology and safe sexual practice is reminiscent of school-based proper sex ed, while her sense of humor and outlandish demonstrations have a bachelorette-party vibe. It’s hard to tell if she’d be better followed by a male stripper ready to give you a lap dance or your sixth-grade teacher, there to explain your changing body.”
Walker is perhaps most famous for the “angry wolverine sound” she makes at the climax of her “grapefruit video”. As she explains it: “I wanted to do something that was so out-of-the-box that he would never forget you until the day he died. He would just keel over and in his last breaths he’d still remember that sound. [And] if he doesn’t like it, you can communicate about it.”
And this is Auntie Angel’s main message: mouths are not only great for blowjobs and bizarre sound effects, but also for communication.
“Leave it to a man with no penis to school the Internet on sexual intimacy. That’s what happened when a man who allegedly lost part of his genitals in a childhood accident took to Reddit to answer questions about life without a phallus,” according to ‘The best sex tips you’ll ever hear — from a man with no penis’.
Known as ‘penisindoor’, he has two basic tips behind why he can maintain a fulfilling sexual relationship with his girlfriend: “1) Use your imagination, and 2) Any loving couple can be intimate.”
“His story shows that sexual pleasure and intimacy are way bigger than any dick could ever be. Relatedly, a study just came out finding that lesbians and men of all sexual orientations experience more orgasms than heterosexual women. (We needed science to tell us this?) It just goes to show that penis-in-vagina sex is just one kind of sex, and that it certainly isn’t inherently the most mutually pleasurable kind.”
The anonymous ‘penisindoor’ has since gone back underground. So was he for real? Or just ‘vaginahavingalaugh’?
Have you ever received great relationship advice from an unlikely source? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.